Deleted

by deleted3

Published April 29, 2010

This post has been deleted

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
eldEr
Review
eldEr wrote a review Review · May 3, 2010

As promised, I made it here! xD
Oh, and you asked if I did art? I do...but they won't be the best.

Well, it seems that most of things have been covered. It's very well-done and it's got my interest already.
Personally, I agree with you on the villianess. Making her unrealisticly evil adds mystery and it's just...more interesting in general.

I'm off to review scene 3!

borntobeawriter wrote a review Review · May 2, 2010

Hey etherealember,

Here as requested (and it's my pleasure, believe me :))

Now, first I must mention that I've never reviewed a play script before. In grammar, this I noticed:

Vivica Montgomery – an evil woman, hell-bend on gaining the fortune denied her in her family inheritance
It's 'hell-bent'

And, being the generous soul that I am, I’m willing to impart this knowledge to you (she takes a sip of wine)
There's no period.

And that's it.

So far, I'm intrigued. You say that she will explain how she's gained her wealth which means that she's somehow found her loophole. Intriguing. And I have no problem with her being an evil villainess, no problem at all. It fits her character, kind of like Cruella Deville, you know?

So far, I really enjoy, would you pm me for the next? :D

Tanya

User avatar
deleted3
Comment
deleted3 commented Comment · May 1, 2010

Thanks for the review!

The answer to your question is....Both! I wrote it and acted in it. I'll fix the caps thing!

My aim wasn't to make her realistic - I wanted it to be an escape from reality, so I gave her characteristics from the extreme end of the spectrum.

User avatar
BondGirl007
Review
BondGirl007 wrote a review Review · May 1, 2010

Hey there Ember!

Well first off I'm confused, is this your script, or something you acted in?

It's a very good script, but a few minor things that needs fixing.
A bunch of the characters speech isn't capitalized at the beginning which is a huge pet peeve of mine, so could you just fix that? :D

Also the ending, it sounds a little too...evil if you will. It's a little too perfect in what a villainess would say, sound too much like it was pulled from the pages of a book. So make it a little more realistic okay?

Good luck and keep writing!



"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites