Hey there! MJ stopping by for a (pitiful attempt at a) review!
wisping as a willow often would
What do you mean by 'wisping'? It doesn't make sense to me.
Meteor and meteorite aren't exchangeable, because meteor refers to just the rock that flies around in space and a meteorite is a meteor that enters earth's atmosphere. For that reason, I would say 'meteor to meteor'.meteor to meteorite
a bright new planet
growing brighter and brighter
until it becomes a sun
Personally, I think that you should replace 'planet' with 'star', since stars could technically grow into suns, and they are already balls of gas that shine bright. It seems to fit better, at least in my opinion. That's just my preference, though, so do as you like
Overall, I thought this was a pretty deep poem. I agree with Kays that your poem could be improved by fixing the stanzas. It's understandable how the Publishing Center can mess up the line system that you might have used, but if you hold shift+enter, it will give you a normal line, and you can use that within a stanza and then just press enter to separate them. You can also look online to find other ways of dividing stanzas.
My main critique would be to figure out which direction you want your poem to go, because like you put in your author's note, you started out with this intriguing idea of how the MC wants answers to questions, but then that idea got a little bit lost later in the poem. The wording was beautiful, but I got lost in the overall meaning. In my opinion, poems should always give readers a takeaway, something that they'll remember about life from reading the poem, either a reminder about a familiar topic or something new. This poem lacked that since it didn't come all the way around, just kinda wandered down a trail.
Hopefully this review was helpful, and if you have any questions, feel free to contact me.
MJ out!
*poof*
Points: 31500
Reviews: 561
Donate