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Young Writers Society



Lyssa - Part Two

by dele24


My eyes were immediately drawn to the huge gold figure above the stage; it was Oscar. The band were playing under him, filling the hall with the music hundreds of people were dancing to. A big disco ball hung above the dancing throng, throwing brilliant squares of light everywhere. Lining the hall were chairs and tables, where people sat with their drinks they got from the refreshments table at the rear.

“Do you want to dance?” I asked, looking at David nervously.

“Ok,” He said. I put my bag down in a corner, and put my shoes on top of it. I can’t dance properly in heels.

When we reached the middle of the floor, the fast song changed into a slow one. He placed a hand on my waist, pulling me close. I could feel warmth radiating from him. My heart was pounding so hard, I think he must be able to feel it. I never took my eyes off his blue ones while we danced; this was the closest I’d felt to another human being in a long time. Not just physically close, but emotionally in sync. As we moved slowly, in harmony, I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Lets go see my friends,” he said, when the song finished, leading me over to a cluster of people standing in a corner.

“Hey everybody, this is Lyssa,” he said, as we joined them.

I looked around at the group, especially studying the girls. Their hair was perfect, some were a mass of delicately arranged curls, others were swept up into an elegant style worthy of the real oscars. I shuffled from foot to foot, conscious of my bare feet and my long black hair that hung straight down to my waist, nothing fancy done to it.

“So this is the high school kid,” a dark haired guy remarked.

I could feel my cheels gor red, but David protectively put his arm around my shoulders. “She’s not that much younger than us, Stephen, and she acts older than you.” He said glaring at the dark haired devil.

“She doesn’t even look old enough to drive, let alone drink, How did you even get her in here?”

I felt like I was a target and they were shooting at me with no remorse. My face burning, I tried to defend myself. “Of course I can driv -”

Another girl spoke over top of me, “She’s in bare feet? Only children don’t wear shoes.”

My infamous temper was rising, but I couldn’t let it loose here. I clenched my fists at my sides, my nails digging into my hands, as if keeping my hands closed was stopping me from shouting.

“Why did you bring her here? I bet she’s still a virgin. David, you know virgins are no fun. I could show you a better time than her.”

It was all I could do to keep from slapping her, they were destroying my fairytale evening while all I could do was stand there and watch them.

“Hannah you little -” David started.

Even David standing up for me couldn’t rebuild my magical night. Slipping out from under David’s arm, I ran through the crowd, trying to dodge all the blurred people. Reaching the door, I streaked past the attendant, slowing down to a walk as I navigated my way through the maze until I reached the door. Leaning heavily against it, tears flowing down my face, I waited there; stuck in limbo. I couldn’t go back, but I didn’t want to face the cold in what I was wearing.

“Oh Lyssa, I’m so sorry. They can be idiots sometimes,” David said, putting his arm around me.

“Just sometimes? Don’t they act this way to all the people they meet?” I said between sobs. I refused to look at him, instead I stared at my bare feet, hiding behind my sheet of hair as I tried to get my tears under control.

“Lets just get out of here, Lyss, go somewhere we can talk,” he said, gently brushing hair off my face, revealing my tear stained face, my makeup completely ruined. He looked

“Ok,” I said, letting him help me into my coat.

I kept quiet while we drove through the streets of Christchurch. David didn’t pester me to talk, he left me alone with my thoughts. He parked at Linwood McDonalds, where we first met about a month ago.

“I thought this would be the best place,” he said as the sound of the engine died away.

“Good idea.”

Arm in arm, we walked in together. The place was almost deserted, which was good, our table was free.

“I’ll just go to the bathroom, you order.”

“Sure Lyss,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze before I walked away.

After doing away with my panda eyes, I joined David back at our table, smiling as I slid into the seat across from him.

“Caramel sundae, your favourite,” he said, pushing it towards me before digging into his own chocolate one.

I picked up the spoon, but didn’t touch my icecream. I waited for David to finish his mouthful before asking my question. “Why did you got to so much trouble to help me got to the Oscars?”

He looked at me for a moment before replying. “I knew you wanted to go. Remember, that day, you were sitting here with your friends talking about how cool it would be to go to the ball. I wanted to make that happen for you.”

“But why me? I am just another teenager who wanted to party with the uni students.”

“Lyssa, you’re not just another teenager. I’ve known of you for a while.“ He said slowly, he seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “I wanted to make your wish possible, then maybe you would trust me enough to hear me out.“

“What do you mean you’ve known of me for a while? And hear you out on what?” I said, completely confused.

He reached into his wallet and pulled out a photo that had obviously been folded and refolded many times. “This will answer your question,” he said handing it over.

I gasped when I saw it, a photo of my family, all five of us, about 8 years ago, when it was still whole. “Where did you get this?” My voice trembled when I spoke, wanting him to say something other than what I was thinking.

“From your brother.”

I stared at him coldly, “I don’t have a brother.”


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User avatar
35 Reviews


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Reviews: 35

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Fri Jul 27, 2007 9:14 am
dele24 says...



Thanks heaps. :) I know I have an issue with changing tenses, but never usually catch all of the mistakes, so thanks for pointing them out.




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514 Reviews


Points: 890
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Wed Jul 25, 2007 7:29 pm
JC wrote a review...



The band were playing under him,

Were should be was.

I can’t dance properly in heels.

This just seems a little weird to me, because the rest of the piece is in past tense, and here you slipped in a present. Make it past tense by changing can't to couldn't.

My heart was pounding so hard, I think he must be able to feel it.

Same thing as before, past and present tense in one sentence trips people out. Try, "My heart was pounding so hard he must have been able to feel it."

He looked

Unfinished thought? Because this is at the end of a paragraph and it just stops there...

icecream

Ice cream, two words

to help me got to the Oscars

Got=go

Awesome. That would be the twist that takes this from good, to amazing. It kept me hooked to the ending, and left me wanting more. lol.

So, other than that, the only advice I can give is watch out for typo's, and keep up the good work!

-JC





Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
— Mark Twain