Published March 5, 2011
Longer day,longer night away from you makes me feel like It's being over a thousand years from you, I always love to see the sweetest part of you, Everyday everynight I spend with you, I use to feel like am in paradise, The first kiss you gave me, I knew i'am in a ocean of love, But you're just too blind to see that, I WAS MADE TO LOVE YOU. Join me on www.valdejad.webs.com
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Hard to believe that a 20 year old has so much improper grammer. What the hell is up with the website at the end of it?
Ohm, this looks like it had originally been formatted but now is not. You may want to put those line breaks back in so it will read like a poem instead of a run on fub-boobly-shmuk.
May read better as presented so, but if you like it as posted, then just know I put the breaks in so I can better express my edits:
Longer day,longer night away from you(.)
(M)akes me feel like
It's(lower case "it's" because it is in the middle of a sentence) being(being is funny here because the rest of the poem is in past tense) over a thousand years from you,
I always love to see
the sweetest part of you(.)
Everyday(,) every( )night I spend with you,
I use(d) to feel like (I) am in paradise,
The first kiss you gave me,
I knew (i'm) in a(n) ocean of love,
But you're just too blind to see that(no comma here)
I WAS MADE TO LOVE YOU.
(Join me on http://www.valdejad.webs.com)
Also,
"I use(d) to feel like (I) am in paradise, "
if the line "I am in paradise" is supposed to be a quote of what they had thought as opposed to what they had felt, then you may want to italicize that section of the line to show that. If not, you simply meant to say what they had felt, then it would be said as such: "I was in paradise"