Could I lie and say I love you?
Could I lie and say I want you?
Could I live when these lies arent returned?
Would you lie to me? Through these touches and looks and words that steal my heart.
Would you lie to these tears? Dark streaks on pale cheeks.
Would you lie to these questions? Answers of fraud feelings and dopey promises.
Yes.
Im afraid it's yes.
My eyes search yours for a touch of truth. For a whisper behind this fake love.
My hands grope for a touch thats real and unleashed and full.
My emotions look for their twin.
So smile that smile, and dance that dance around my life.
I hope your as happy as you seem.
I hope you look in my eyes and see my fake love, and know its a mirror.
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Hi there
I liked your poem , the description of the feelings that you are looking for and how the end was .I really enjoyed reading your poem .It is so true that some times we are just looking for the real thing and not for an illusion. I really love the idea .
keep on writing because you do have what it takes to be a great writer one day . I wish you good luck
waiting for your next poem
Hi there I'm China Cookie!
I really did enjoy reading your poem. Wa extreamly catching in the last half. The questions in the beggining laked alot of true emotion. But yet the end of the poem was fantastic.
Some advice to you; what you could do for your poems is write about your experiences and things you have gone through.
As this will help you get the true emotion out of all your poetry...
Thanks for sharing this piece..
Hope to read more of your work.
Regards :
China Cookie
Hi there!
. My advise would be to cut the first half of the poem, and express any ideas from there that you want to keep by expanding on the second half. That's my two cents, anyway.
I really liked the second half of this poem. Honestly, I don't think you need all the questions at the beginning. They're not very poetic, but as soon as you said "My eyes search yours for a touch of truth," I wanted to read more. All the lines after that start developing imagery, which is key. I especially liked the line, "My emotions look for their twin." It gave me "that's exactly what that is like!" goosebumps
Thanks for sharing this piece!
Hello there
Oh, and welcome to YWS!
I really didn't like the poem so much. I think my major problem with it is that it lacked a lot of emotion. It was just a bunch of words thrown at the reader with no feeling and any meaning. Maybe there was an idea in there somewhere, but everything came out looking a little bland. You did have some lines that sounded good in there however, but in the end they wound up to nothing special.
Coming from the point of how I understood the poem, I felt it was a little cliché.
Keep writing and good luck
i thought this was about hwo much you loved a person and then the ending chnages my thought and i now think you are only showing "fake love" because this ther person is. this is really good for tricking the reader and it's perfect. to improve add ina repetive word like would you lie then add in another line and then put would you lie nto me an it would be a good effect to the poem.