It was Derek's first day of school. He was in sixth grade and he was excited that he finaly got to go to public school. His father allways made him get home schooled.
"Bye dad! See you when i get home" Said Derek as he walked out the door to start walking. It wasn't a long walk, but he still would like to ride the bus. He would allways hear the bus go by, followed by the laughing of children.
"Make sure you don't follow strangers! If someone tells you to-"
"Dad! I can do fine on my own!" Snapped Derek as he rushed out the door, down the street, and into the school.
He went to his first class. In fact, it wasn't realy a class, more like a get together to ready yourself for the day. It was only 25 minutes long. It wasn't long after he got in class when he got in trouble for eating a sadwitch in class. Apparently public school rules are different than the ones his father gave him. He had to stay after class for 10 minutes.
When he finaly left, he got called to the office. He didn't know why but he didn't mind.
He stepped through the office doors, the lady at the desk was wearing what looked to be a one-piece dress with cheap perfume. She was wearing a name tag that read "Hello, i am Susie" Where it said Susie it was written with a black pen.
"Are you Derek?" Asked Susie
"Yes ma'am, i am." Said Derek, wondering why he was needed. 'I wonder if my father got a raise!' Derek thought to himself. 'Or maybe we are moving!'.
"Derek, i dont know how to tell you this..." Said Susie as a frown grew over her smile.
"Tell it to me how it is, don't butter it up!" Said Derek, still wondering with a grin on his face.
"Your father got in a car accedent, they are still looking for his body." Replied Susie as she broke down and started crying.
"Is this some kind of sick joke? I dont find it very funny!" Said Derek with fear in his eyes.
"I would never joke about something as serious as this, im not joking! Talk to the police yourself!"
Derek ran out of the school, he ran so fast he doesn't even remember hitting the door. He ran home, crying all the way there. When he got there he ran to the phone and dialed 9-1-1.
"Sheriffs office how may i-"
"Have you found him" Said derek, inturrupting the opperator.
"Found who sir?" Replied the girl.
"My father, John!"
"Yes, John Letharo? He, well, he is dead..."
Derek hung up the phone before she said anything else, he couldnt believe it. He woke up waiting for the best day of his life, but got the worste.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
You misspell a lot of words and (I know this is trivial) you didn't capitalize your i's. It really irks me when someone is so lazy that they can't do that (I can call you lazy because I know you in the real world)
I also found that you lacked the sense of realism that is needed for a piece such as this. Why would he be so calm at first and think about raises? I mean, why would they call you down to tell you that your dad is making more money?
Very good but still didn't explain why he is an assasin, This one really should be the first one. A few spelling errors and grammar but over all its really gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
In the end it should be "He woke up and it got worse."
This is a little rushed. Slow down. Describe Derek, and the school he goes to. Tell us about his day.
And please, add more characters!