I keep touching myself
In all of the places
Your hands were those long nights
Kisses, long embraces
-
With one hand on the wheel
And one hand on my thigh
And I ached to tell you--
But I'm always too shy
-
Fingers upon fingers
Whispers between kisses
Fingers in tight places
Wishes in caresses
-
What are you doing now?
Can you still feel me there?
There and there and there and--
Don't we make a great pair?
-
Where can you feel me now?
Not next to you, I know
Another time will be ours
Any minute'n away we go
--
-yooendeye
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi this is my first review, so I'm sorry if it's not too helpful.
I really love the rhyme scheme with this and the words you use to rhyme. In almost all of words I felt the very last syllable contributed to the sensual tone I think you were going for. Like 'places' and 'embraces' or 'thigh' and 'shy'. I just felt the need to elongate those syllables in sort of a Jessica Rabbit, "Why Don't You Do Right" kind of way.
However the disruption of it in the 4th stanza kind of brought me out of the rhythm I had created while reading it. I would suggest only breaking the rhyme scheme it serves a purpose, which it could have and I'm not seeing it, or at the very end to create a more dramatic effect.
That was pretty much my only critique of this. This poem has definitely reinstated why I love poetry so much, it's unique style that no other form of writing can copy.
Hey there, dearestdeli! I don't normally review poetry, but I thought I'd give it a go anyway.
My first thought, before I even started reading the poem, was what does WNTT stand for? Is there some deeper meaning that will be unveiled at the end of the last poem? What does it meeeean? So please tell me.
Your poem overall, is really sweet and well written. I love the language you use; it's simple (no massive words requiring an exceptional vocab) but full of emotions. Fingers upon fingers, Whispers between kisses is my favourite part. That's some really beautiful imagery. The ending, also, was conclusive and feeling.
My only criticism is that I wasn't sure how I was meant to read it. At the beginning, I read lines in groups of three and that made sense:
I keep touching myself
In all of the places
Your hands were those long nights
---
Kisses, long embraces
With one hand on the wheel
And one hand on my thigh
But then, after those two groups, I found myself switching between single lines and groups of twos. Perhaps make it a little clearer. But then again, it's poetry, so as long as you're happy with it that's fine.
Oh em gee! Sorry! To clear things up, I didn't know how to space my stanzas! I would press enter and then I'd preview it and poof! They were gone again.
The stanzas are supposed to be separated after every fourth line! And, ahh, WNTT stands for We Need Time Together. I tired to come up with a title and that was the first thing that came to mind but, I don't know, I guess I thought it was too long a title?
Thank you so much for reviewing! My first review, golly!
Ooh, welcome to the website, then!
Thanks for clearing up the name. I like what it stands for.