In the darkness creatures hide
Following you by your side
When you take them from the night
The little devils will take flight
All around you strange things play
Getting stronger day by day
They hide in places without sunlight beams
These strange things are not what they seem
In the shadows monsters wait
For you to step unto their gate
And when you bring upon them day
The tiny demons flee away
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Okay, I hope you know that commenting back on your own work and other comments is discouraged. I mean, I admit that I've violated that "rule", as well, but I avoid doing it often.
as just a plain suggestion, I offer the quicker, less awkward replacement as follows:
They hide in places without sunlight beams.
It successful implies the same thing, but in space more suiting toward the rhythmatic flow.
I know it is child-like.
I wrote this piece when I was ten.
It's a bit scary when you think about it.
I mean..
Why was I thinking about things like this at ten??
Interesting piece...it seemed quite child-like to me, and I usually am not into that. You may have been going for that though. I guess the whole read I thought of monsters in my closet.
Brian