Published March 20, 2006
I am me
I wonder why I can fly
I see blood on my clothes
I hear the voice of a boy cry
I want to know what I’ve come to be
I am one with the sky
I pretend to be what I am not
I feel no emotion, no pain
I touch your skin that is so hot
I worry that you have nothing to gain
I cry for I shall miss you a lot
I am the human that you had slain
I understand now what you had done
I say things I do not mean
I dream thoughts that should be seen by none
I try my hardest to not be seen
I hope that I will only love one
I am an undead being
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141,408 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Personally, I would love to critique your work if it wasn't for your previously exampled disregard for it. This site is for the growth of writing...or something like that...and the only way to improve your writing skills is through practice and the feedback from others. The key to being a writer is being able to accept contructive critisism, and so I urge you to consider that.
I will, however, critique this poem anyway -
All in all, this poem is well-rounded in development. It's good, in other words. I liked some of your phrases. But I must support a few points, those being that you use a lot of extra words that are not needed and clog the poem. Also, there are two lines that are awkward and slightly overused in a way that it makes the poem appear ordinary:
Oh?
And how do you suppose I should change it??
By the way, would you like to take a guess as to what she is?
I liked this. Drop/change this, though: "I cry because I will miss you a lot." It's cliche and doesn't really contribute much to the emotional impact of the poem.
Brian