Short story

Hey there! Eli here!

Here is a review of your short story. It was a good read even if many things made me pause and re-think if I want to actually read this to the end. But I ended up doing it anyways. This is one of those stories that I love because of the concept of it, the idea and the scenes, the details and all the actions. But they lack grammar or are full of mistakes. Which we can easily correct of course. So excuse me that this review is ony me editing your work but this is the only think that is negative for this work.

There once was a story of a girl set apart, for inside, her she carried a great light, so great in fact was this light that all who came in contact with it were changed. However, because of this great light shining within her[/b] she was forced to see the world as it was. From a young age she understood the world to be covered in a powerful darkness with all the evil and the hate which that entails.

The darkness hated the great light and and the light despised the darkness. The evil of the darkness caused the girl to feel such a pain, for she could see that all the suffering and hatred the darkness inspired. One day the (great used too much already) pain became so immense that she cried out for relief and the darkness, hearing her and seeing opportunity, appeared. "Kill the light inside yourself and join me, and the pain will end," it promised her as the darkness drew itself close around her. She recognized the world,s need for her light and refused, the light inside of her casting away the darkness.

Even when the pain grew, she promised she would not destroy her light. Still the darkness would appear to her when her pain became greater, offering to release her from the pain if she were to kill her light. She would refuse, casting out the darkness, and instead channeling the pain into creation. She would take what was meant to end her and pour it upon a page or canvass, rending beauty upon them for all to see.

As she became older, she continued to grow into her mantle as the carrier of this healing light,(space) becoming a beacon for those who wanted to become strong, for the light she held strengthened then, a home for the lost, for her light guided them, and an inspiration for the broken, for her light healed them and built them up into who they should be.

Along with mentoring others, she began to fight the darkness' hold on the world, starting to heal the heart and mind in communities who deemed lost. She fed the hungry and housed the hurt and homeless. Where she walked, life would begin to flourish, and the darkness would cower. For it could not survive under the full strength of her. As she lessened the pain of the world, so too did her inner pain decrease, and the darkness soon began to realize that there was no power that he had over her, and that nothing he threw ather was could dissuade her from her mission.

Slowly but surely, she began to gain a following. The lovers of the light, seeking to do good, improve the world,(space) and loosen the grip of the darkness followed her closely and would look to her for wisdom, always seeking to bathe in the glow of her light. The girl traveled the world, visiting the places the darkness gripped and freeing them, and soon the darkness began to fear her and her ilk.

Those who met her began to speak of the young woman who carried the light. How her eyes would shine bright with joy and how her visage was radiant with power. "Her laughter seems to sweeten the air around her and her voice calls us and inspires us to act for good," they would say. The word of this beautiful girl and the light she held, and her battle against the darkness of the world became legendary.




Keep on writing!

Hey there! MJ dropping by for a quick review

There once was a story of a girl set apart, for inside her she carried a great light, so great in fact was this light that all who came in contact with it were changed. However, because of this great light shining within her, she was forced to see the world as it was. From a young age she understood the world to be covered in a powerful darkness with all the evil and the hate which that entails. This was a pretty strong introductory paragraph overall, but I wanted to correct some of your grammar/use of language. I'll be doing a lot of nitpicking throughout this review, so just brace yourself

The darkness hated the great light and and the light despised the darkness. The evil of the darkness caused the girl to feel great pain, for she could see the all the suffering and hatred that the darkness inspired. One day the great pain became so immense that she cried out for relief and the darkness, hearing her and seeing opportunity, appeared. " kill Kill the light inside yourself and join me, and the pain will end," it promised her as the darkness drew itself close around her. She recognized the world's need for her light and refused, the light inside her casting away the darkness.

Even as the pain grew she promised she would not destroy her light. sStill the darkness would appear to her when her pain became great, Ooffering to take her pain if she were to kill her light.Make sure to capitalize when you start a new sentence and have a space in between the punctuation mark at the end and the next word.she would refuse, casting out the darkness and instead channeling the pain into creation. She would take what was meant to end her and pour it upon a page or canvass, rendering beauty upon them for all to see.
This paragraph was also strong, but it repeated most of the same ideas that you had in your first paragraph- the darkness causing her pain and offering to stop her pain if she extinguished her light, and her refusal. The theme of 'casting out darkness' appears a lot. Just be aware that this paragraph doesn't have a whole lot of new ideas for future writing.

As she became older,she continued to grow into her mantle as the carrier of this healing light,becoming a beacon for those who wanted to become strong, for the light she held strengthened then, a home for the lost, for her light guided them, and an inspiration for the broken, for her light healed them and built them up into who they should be. This was a really, really long sentence that should be broken up. By my count, there were 7 commas. This is really excessive, and sometimes, the commas were used when clearly the sentence should end.

Along with mentoring others she began to fight the darknesses darkness'hold on the world, working healings beginning the healing of heart and mind in communities deemed lost. She fed the hungry and housed the hurting and homeless. Where she walked, life would begin to flourish, and the darkness would cower, for it could not survive under the full strength of her light. As she lessened the pain of the world, so too did her inner pain decrease, and the darkness soon began to realize that there was no power that heIs the darkness a he or an it? had over her, and that nothing he threw her was could dissuade her from her mission. You had some typos/missing commas here, and I corrected those as best I could. The darkness had also previously been described as 'it', so the switch to personifying it as a 'he' was sudden.

Slowly but surely, she began to gain a following. The lovers of the light, seeking to do good, improve the world,and loosen the grip of the darkness followed her closely and would look to her for wisdom, always seeking to bathe in the glow of her light. Again, this sentence should be broken up. The girl traveled the world, visiting the places the darkness gripped and freeing them, and soon the darkness began to fear her and her ilk. You switched between 'gripped' and 'freeing' here, and you need to have a consistent tense, so I would say 'gripping and freezing' instead.

Those who met her began to speak of the young woman who carried the light. How her eyes would shine bright with joy, and how her visage was radiant with power. " her laughter seems to sweeten the air around her and HHer voice calls us and inspires us to act for good," they would say. The word of this beautiful girl, and the light she held, and her battle against the darkness of the world became legendary.

Hello! Dreamy here for a review.

This is a feel-good story, though there are few things that needs to be taken care of, like: grammar and punctuation. Let me show you an example of what I mean: " so great in fact was this light that all who came in contact with it were changed." I had to go through this particular sentence a quite a few time to understand/come up with a better arrangement of words. I think I'd write this as: "... so great, in fact, all those who came in contact with this light were changed." Or something along that line.

You obviously didn't go through the story while posting it because the first words in the beginning of few sentences were not capitalised. And, I think I like how you have simply titled this as the "short story", haha.

All in all, this was good read. If I were to receive this from my friend, I'd probably cherish it. Because who doesn't want to feel and/or referred to as legendary, right?

Keep up the good work! Keep writing! (Don't forget to go through this before you give it to your friend )

Cheers!

Hello, hello, Gxldencrxwns here for a review.

I really enjoyed this short story of yours. The theme of this story was very smooth and you had a good plot sorted out. I like your idea of a girl trying to get rid of the darkness of the world and replace it with good. Good job on that!

However, the first paragraph is too long. I would suggest cutting it down to five sentences. I got a little bored while reading the first paragraph because of its size. The second paragraph is similar to what I have been saying, but it's not that bad. But I'd still cut down the size a tiny bit just to be safe.

Overall, this story was excellent. I saw no spelling mistakes, no grammar mistakes, the theme of the story was smooth, and the only mistake I saw was the sizes of the first two paragraphs.

Very good job on the story! Make sure to keep writing!