Published November 6, 2009
For far too many times I'm tired
Fail and Fail denied of pride
door after door searching to find,
something of meaning, one of a kind.
The mistakes remain real
Times fall away,
but what's done remains done
The truth screams pain
and pain I can take
Every truth holds two lies
and those lies hold my fate.
No more reasons to hide
My head held high
I'll walk with pride
The dust of hope keeping me alive.
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,382 Reviews
Thanks a bunch guys (: im going to be posting a new one that i wrote last night call The Eyes of an Angel, please chack it out (:
Really like this.
. For far is a bit of a tonguetwister, but maybe the sense of tripping slightly, adds to the poem's fighting/faltering.Perhaps rephrase
- C
This was very nice.Keep writing poems like these.
All the best with your future writing.
OMG thanks a BUNCH!!! Holds was just a typo but ill make sure to fix up the other stuff!!1 ive been on sooo many diferent websites to get people to help me critique my work but no people would critique it so i just want to so THANKS SOOOOOOOOO MUCHH!!!!! I would get my Friends to do it but none of them really write so they dont want to but any ways thanks a LOT once again !!!!!
Hi, let's get to the nitpicks!
In the sentance before, you need to put a comma since you're starting with a "But." Plus on the word "Whats" shoud be "What's," with an a apostrophe.
I belive that you need a comma after the second "Fall," it just doesn't flow right without it.
H"Hold" should have an S at the end, as in "Holds."
Your punctuation is messed up, you need to put some periods and commas after some of the snetances.
The "I" should be in caps.
Hope this helped a little! I might have missed some stuff, but at least it's some.