No One Said Anything

This is the most amazing song I've ever read. I apologize for reading it- I'm not yet 16. But I'm happy I did. Bullies are the worst. About the song: I loved how everything rhymes perfectly. There's something about the words that have meaning. These words have power. My favorite part is the chorus. God bless you and good luck with the rest of your writing!

Carly's corner:
I'm totally new here, but I have to drop a thing or two on this beautiful piece I just read. This is just so lovely. This is the most rhymes (beautifully and carefully picked, if I may add) have seen since I got on here. The lyrics reminds me of Sia's "I'm in here". it had almost the same message tone, but a more brutal effect on me, even without instruments and all that there is to a beautiful music. Every line I read, was playing in my head like u had an war piece on. I loved the chorus.

Anyway, it took me about the third repetition of the chorus for me to realize it was the chorus. So I had to start anew to read and understand it properly. I think the italics was supposed to be enough info, but I think separating it from the last stanza and the new one. But I like how every new stanza had another new and totally different feel from the previous stanza meanwhile still sticking to the theme. That's a kudos on that! I love.

overall the piece was just amazingly amazing, I'd like to get a clue or two from you, on how to achieve such an amazing piece. and please next time tag me on any of your works!

xo: Carlize

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

Overall, you've got a pretty good piece here. YWS doesn't usually have a lot of lyrical works on it, so seeing some is a breath of fresh air, and I say that as a huge fan of music in any form. I do have some comments however, so I'll just discuss them with you below.

I really enjoyed the rhyming of this piece. It wasn't forced. There's a common occurence in rhyming works, where the poet struggles to find a word to rhyme with, so the word they do end up choosing doesn't fit well with the piece. This piece didn't really include that, which was nice. As far as I can see, the rhyming was basically flawless throughout the work, and that's an uncommon thing. So, bravo to that.

I really like the fact that you italicized the chorus, because it helps readers see the importance of those specific lines. Once they realize the lines are important, they dwell on them, and eventually realize that it's a repeated set of lines. A simple formatting trick and you've already greatly improved your song.

My last comment is that I would like to see the chorus separated from each verse, and each verse separated from the chorus and each other. It makes the song easier to hear when reading. All's you need to do is include stanzas in the piece, and I think it will be greatly improved. Now, I'm aware that the publishing center often destroys formatting, so here's the trick to preventing that.

First, hut the "</>" button in the publishing center. Next, put a "<p>" in front of each designated stanza, and a "</p>" at the end. This groups them into paragraphs. Then, put a "</br>" at the end of each line you want. Lastly, just publish it, and it should be formatted.

Overall, great job! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!

Hey hey! Ardently here for a review!

First off I really like the chorus! I'm a big fan of repeating lines throughout poetry or I guess songs in this case. The idea of the singer being bullied because they tried to stand up for others and then giving up is an interesting twist on the usual hero story of someone standing up for the downtrodden and oppressed and succeeding. Quite dark, but I think sometimes we need dark twists and to know that trying to help others doesn't always work out and we might get hurt worse because of it.

Your word choice is a little simplistic, but that works really well in this case as it really makes the emotions you establish feel stronger and more raw.

And I do feel like your song connected with me emotionally. The story of how life gets worse and worse for your protagonist is easy to follow. Not a bad thing, not everything needs to be complicated and confusing, and I think in this case anything other than simplicity would've taken away from the overall story.

"And go out the same way,

Life began,

With a big bang.

(Gun shot sound effect)"

Just pointing that bit out as I think it's the strongest bit of your song!

~ Ardently <3 ~

I hope everyone likes it