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​Stream of Consciousness

by darrensaysyo


Stream of Consciousness

Who is my greatest influence a simple question but the answers more complicated because we're all still evolving everyday so that answer can change in an instant someone comes into your life or leaves unexpectedly and suddenly you see the world through a new lens you can go your whole life thinking you know the answer then one day you realize the greatest influence in your life might be someone else sometimes the greatest influence isn't who influenced you the most but what. people come and go from our lives but only a handful of them truly make a difference in our future it's impossible to choose one person who influenced my life the most but it's what they all taught me that matters things like love perhaps it was his absence from my life that made me strong or maybe it made me weaker whatever effect it had on me it raised me to be me at this current moment constantly looking back and feeling pity for myself I’ve come to realize that he has left a void in my life and little did I know that so many people would come and go but filling that void at the same time why do people come and go as they please why do people die is this God’s way of making us feel pain I understand that pain is necessary for the growth of a person but how much pain is too much pain how far can we be pushed what is rock bottom these are all eager questions that I personally don’t have the answer to how can one come back from rock bottom what if they aren’t able to achieve a sense of normality again what happens then do they just sulk for the rest of their life trying to get through day after day what if the person doesn’t have the right tools to help them get back on their feet what happens then does society just choose to give up on them at that point I feel like that’s the issue with society anytime we face an issue that doesn’t affect everybody's physical health nobody gives a shit if I’m being honest nobody understands what depression and anxiety does to people unless you experience it for yourself seeing the people around me being affected by these mental issues really made me think about how fucked up our society is all this stuff with social hierarchies and popularity and social media really makes being a teenager super tough not only do they have to get good grades but many also choose to climb the social ladder for many reasons one being that it gives people a boost in ego when they’re popular there are so many things wrong with society and it’s really our job to fix that for the future generations but I doubt enough people care enough just take a look at current events and Coronavirus I’m not saying that it blowing up on social media wasn’t good but there are so many other issues that the world needs to see and acknowledge and fix I firmly believe that we owe it to ourselves to help as much people as we can across the world no matter the issue Corona has been the cause to all of my problems as we’ve all been confined to our homes for less than 3 days now but I am slowly losing my mind this constant repetitive cycle of living at the moment is boring me but I definitely understand that it’s for the benefit of everyone and to kill off the virus so that we all can go back to our “normal” lives as soon as possible it’s the same process waking up doing school work eating playing games and then staying up late then repeating the same cycle the next day there are so many things you can do confined to your home it allows for overthinking and reflecting on certain moments in your life that were pivotal turning points at least for me I felt that way when people come and go from your life it really hits you that they left for a reason whether that reason be you or them or whatever it may be how I see it people are in certain chapters in your life while it hurts sometimes it’s beneficial to yourself to move on with your life and leave people behind life is essentially a train that doesn’t stop for anyone every person you meet in your life has served their purpose by being in your life they had a part in making the person you are today and for that you should be grateful even if your experience was not pleasant with them every single person teaches you a different lesson than the next everybody is different and special in their own ways but it’s those indifferences which will teach you a lesson whether it be the difference in issues, way of life or culture every detail matters when talking about someone else because a single moment does not define who a person is instead it is all their moments their best and worst and every memory in between that forms a person but very often people do not acknowledge that instead many people today judge people by their appearance and believe that one or two or a few mistakes are enough to define a person immediately stripping that person of the right to redemption very often it is hard to see this way if you are apart of that mistake and the person being wronged it’s understandable as to why you aren’t able to see the bigger picture and allow the person who caused you pain to redeem themselves the world is a very messed up place and chances at redemption are not given easily another example is the college process they say numbers don’t define you but in reality that is false there is only so much you can do when listing extra cirriculars and writing essays and supplements as to having good grades and test scores many colleges won’t look at the essays if you don’t pass their number requirements which I find reasonable but stupid at the same time why do certain people get more opportunities than others simply because their parents worked hard for it means they don’t have to 


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Sun Jun 07, 2020 2:19 pm
whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hello Darrensayso! I was intrigued by seeing a stream-of-consciousness work in the green room, so I thought I'd drop by and check it out!

This piece of writing is definitely filled with important ideas and I agree with a lot of what you are saying. However the way it's been written - as a stream of consciousness - it hard to read and somewhat intimidating for the reader. As it stands, it feels like a rant (which there's nothing wrong with, ranting is great), but which isn't really something that gets published on this site. Oftentimes those who write poetry will try to express themselves through a poem, but this feels more like something you'd see on a blog.

On the other hand, you could try to turn this into an essay, as there are a lot of great ideas and thoughts that could be cleaned up and made into some persuasive writing. Right now the main reason that this isn't much of an essay (besides punctuation) is that there doesn't seem to be one main point that you're advocating for, and the things you're talking about at the start of the piece are completely unrelated to the end of the piece (which is of course how stream of conscious works, but in the case of an essay that isn't desired). The other main difficulty is that for the most part these are your opinions, and you aren't really citing any facts. But if you were interested in the extra work of finding some sources and turning this into a formal piece of writing, that could be really interesting!

If you really just want to leave this as a stream of consciousness, then I would suggest breaking up some of the sentences into shorter thoughts, and dividing the writing into paragraphs to separate main ideas.

Below I spoiler the first chunk of the writing, with a bit of added punctuation and a paragraph divide where a new idea begins to form. If you go through the entire piece and make changes like this, it will be easier to read and you will impart more information to your reader.

Spoiler! :
Who is my greatest influence? A simple question but the answers are more complicated because we're all still evolving every day; so that answer can change in an instant. Someone comes into your life or leaves unexpectedly and suddenly you see the world through a new lens. You can go your whole life thinking you know the answer then one day you realize the greatest influence in your life might be someone else.

S
ometimes the greatest influence isn't who influenced you the most but what. People come and go from our lives but only a handful of them truly make a difference in our future. It's impossible to choose one person who influenced my life the most but it's what they all taught me that matters - things like love.


Overall, you have some really interesting and thought-provoking ideas in this work! The main issue is the way in which you're conveying them. Stream-of-consciousness has a time and a place but this just doesn't quite feel like one, to me personally at least.

If you have any questions about the review, feel free to ask! And I hope you found it helpful!

Keep writing!

whatchamacallit


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Sun Jun 07, 2020 8:04 am
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi, Darren!

I think I'll be frank. This essay was really difficult to read. There are no paragraphs whatsoever, making it look like an unappealing chunk of text. The lack of punctuation, however, is what makes this almost impossible to go through patiently, because I kept getting confused as I read it. I can't tell for sure where one sentence begins and another ends.
Also, I think you ought to have mentioned that there would be swearing. The F-bomb was a little shock for me as I went through your work, and I don't see any reason for it to be there in the first place.

If I don't look at those points, though, this is a wonderful essay. I did manage to read most of it, skimming over the most confusing parts, and I have to say I completely agree with you on a lot of points. It is sickening to live our lives on repeat, and there are a lot of things to do when you're staying at home without the worry of school or work. This does not apply to all people, but as a teenager I have been frustrated by how little people acknowledge the opportunity to do things other than surf on social media. I like how you've put your opinion out there with pride.

by being in your life they had a part in making the person you are today and for that you should be grateful even if your experience was not pleasant with them every single person teaches you a different lesson than the next everybody is different and special in their own ways but it’s those indifferences which will teach you a lesson

This was my favourite part! I'm really glad you said that.

Please, please fix the punctuation and add paragraphs. This work will not get the attention it deserves otherwise. People are unwilling to read chunks of text this big. I didn't want to read it at first, but I decided to try and now I'm glad I did. If you fix up the essay I'm sure it'll get the appreciation it deserves.

-Lee





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