Young Writers Society

Analysis Results
Overused Words 3 issues
Overused words (3)
Cliches & Redundancies Report
Cliches
Redundancies
Pacing Report
0 slow pacing paragraphs found
Writing Style Report 3 issues
No passive verbs found
No hidden verbs found
No adverbs found
3 repeated sentence starts
Passive index (0.0) target up to 25
Pronoun Report
Sentence Length Report 1 issue
Num words (146)
Num characters (505)
Avg Sentence Length (16.2) target 11 to 18
Sentence variety 5.4 target over 3
1 long sentence found
Paragraph Length Report
Grammar Report 1 issue
grammar 1 issues found
Repeat Words & Phrases
Frequent 4 word phrases
Frequent 2 word phrases
Frequent 1 word phrases
Dialogue Tags Report
0 dialogue tags found
Homonym Report
Diction Report
Diction
Vague & Abstract Words Report 3 issues
Vague & Abstract Words (3)
Complex Words Report
No complex words found
Sticky Sentences Report
No sticky sentences found
Glue Index 36.3% target up to 40%
Transitions Report 1 issue
Transition percentage 0% (suggested > 25%)
Alliteration Analysis
4 two word alliterations found
Consistency Report
Spelling Consistency
Hyphenation Consistency
Capitalisation Consistency
0 curly (smart) double quotes found
0 straight double quotes found
0 curly (smart) single quotes found
20 straight single quotes found
0 ellipsis characters found
0 three-dot ellipses found
0 hyphens found
0 en-dashes found
0 em-dashes found
Corporate Wording Report
No corporate wording found
NLP Predicates Report
There are no NLP predicate words in your text.
House Style Report
No house style issues found
Eloquence
Epistrophe found
Potential hendiadys found
No hendiadys found
No alliterative adjectives found

Hello!

This is very different to most other poems I've read, not that I've read many...

I like the idea of it, it's interesting.

While I was reading your poem, i enjoyed every line of your poem.

Mum, I've forgotten how to hope,
I'm drinking loads and smoking dope,
Chris has left,
Says it's for the best,
He can't see 'us' anymore.

i like this one a lot. it reminds me of my life and my experience. its sad but true..

Already people think I'm cheap.

i dont know but this line makes me to shiver. too much memories.

Mum, I still miss Dad so bad,
I still know that you are sad.
I've cried all night,
Lost will to fight,
I can't see tears anymore.

I miss my dad too, so i know how u feel... i also cry at night myself to sleep..

everything that i can say, that its a very good poem, i love it! You should keep going!

- Ophelia

This is a really intense and deep poem. I like it how you began the poem bluntly and trueful as if you decided that it's no use to keep hiding anything more from your mum. I love the sincerity throughout the whole poem.

Although the poem is really sad, it has a powerful message. The idea of writing to your mum is realistic since when a person is in such a terrible state his mother is usually the first person who flashes into his mind for help.

The format of the poem is fantastic. The way yo made it in such a form that it looks like a message, amazing!

I really loved it....keep it up!

It's powerful, intense, sad, heart-aching.

I liked it. It's nice.

Great job!

Keep writing!

My main problem was the repetion of 'Mum' couldn't you start a stanza differently? It is powerful, but not as powerful to me. You also have the title all in caps. A big no-no. Overall: This poem has some merit for shock factor and way it's written, just stop repetion of Mum and you have a great poem. Some of the rhyming does seem rather forced though. That's all I can think of. Hmm, it's intresting.

Good luck
VSN

Powerful and sad, theres nothing else you can say.

Such a sad and yes, powerful poem.
It's very nice.

powerful

Its really intesene. I really didn't like the rhyme, though, I thought it made the piece a little less real.

powerfully sad. It is an amazing poem, even if it is depressing. It really triggers a love for humanity.

Definitely a powerful (if depressing) poem...I particularly liked the ending, like Nate said, a real shocker. Makes you do a double take and reread it all over again in a new light. I like the kooky rhyme scheme - it seems a bit awkward at first but I reckon it works. A great poem - well done!

I love it. There isn't really any else to say.

woah... didn't you say somewhere that you weren't good at writing poems???

This was very powerful and written very well. Plus the shocker at the end just causes an incredible dumbstruck kind of reaction. I literally sat in my seat for a minute without moving.

A couple of things though:
- Change "watch" to "watched" in line 22
- In line 21 you should change "very" to "so." It goes along better with the flow.

Looking back through it now, I love the structure of the poem as well; the repitition of anymore and the same general theme for each last line.

Superb.

...
yes... there IS only one word to describe that... and it'a already been said! but I'll repeat it. POWERFUL.

wow....
1word:
POWERFUL.