Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
In 1916 Everett Washington was facing serious depression
Shingles workers had it worst
They could be recognized by the fingers they were missin
So some Wobblies came down from Seattle to support them in their strike, that's been going five month strong.
Now here comes the story, of how everything went wrong.
Once there businessmen hired vigilantes, to rough the wobblies up and put them outta town
So they limped back to Seattle with open wounds and frowns.
So the Seattle IWW decided to come in numbers.
A whole 300 members came to dock in Everett on Calista and Verona.
As they approached the north dock at Everett they sang their fight song Hold the Fort.
But law business enforcement was ready for them when they came.
"Who's your leader?" The chief of police was the one ask.
"We're all leaders!" They all chorused at last.
"You can't land here." The chief replied, trying to rule by fear.
Then out of someone pistol a bullet flew.
Out of whose, no one ever knew.
The gunfire lasted, the next 10 minutes at least.
The result was at least 5 wobblies dead 27 injured 20 hurt cops and 2 dead deputies especially the chief of police.
Then, both boats returned to Seattle, to attempt to escape their coming fate.
But Seattle police were already lying in wait.
They were to be charged for murder of killing two deputies.
But the courts didn't give a flying fuck about the injured and dead wobblies.
Eventually, for all defendants the charges were dropped.
The moral of the story is when you interrupt production, you'll deal with the fucking cops.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there darklinx and welcome to YWS!
Now, I can appreciate what you're trying to do here. It's interesting to look at historical events, especially ones like this that don't get a lot of attention, and try to rework them.
However, it falls a bit short for me. I look up the event and lo and behold, the first sentence of the Wikipedia page goes "In 1916, Everett, Washington was facing a serious depression." Look familiar?
I feel your poem largely fails to go beyond the superficial details presented in the Wikipedia article. There's no real images or emotions. In the future, I'd try to think from the perspective of someone involved in this event: a worker, a Wobblie, a cop. What images stick out, what words, what sensations?
I think if you went beyond Wikipedia and tried to bring something new to this story, it could be something. Keep writing!
I love the ending and I love historical poems; I love how they teach you something with all the beauty of a normal poem. That being said, I might shorten the lines. They're a bit long and bulky for a poem; it's easier to keep the beat of the poem if they're shorter. Also, there are a few lines that seem a bit too brimming with facts. When you mix learning with art, you have to kind of sneak the art in without the long, bulky facts like "5 wobblies dead 27 injured 20 hurt cops and 2 dead deputies". It's a valid fact and important, but it's too many numbers.
The poem itself is really interesting and I love how you can sense the feel of the time through the poem; I love that.
There was one sign that seemed to have a bit of a logical problem; the deputy being especially dead. I'd argue dead is dead, there aren't varying degrees of it. That's the only problem I see; other than that, the poem is really witty and knowledgeable.
There are some places that could use a bit more punctuation too.
Wonderful poem!
tgirly
Thank you very much.
It was kind of a spur of the moment 15 minute thing for me, so I didn't pay much attention to detail (I actually had to fix a few spelling mistakes after I published it). But thank you so much for the criticism. I'll look out for those things in the future.
Why hello there! First of all I would like to say that I love how detailed this is compared to other poetry I've read. You created a story that I could really form a picture for in my mind. This is amazing, and I'll be checking out some of your other pieces. If there is anything particular that you would like me to review, message me. I would be more than happy to take a look at it. I hope to read more of your works!
-Angel
Thanks for the review. It felt a little forced while I was writing it, but I guess it didn't come out to shabby. ^_^
I like it. A great piece of art and you will make my life for poems a great deal...
Thanks. I really appreciate the compliment. I'm gonna publish more controversial stuff in the future though, so I'm warning you I'm not afraid to express how I feel. Ever!
Just wait and see...