deleted

by darkdove
  • April 22, 2008
  • Poetry
  • Other

Deleted.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Kiwi Review
Kiwi wrote a review · Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:45 pm

I like it! It's good that you didn't just describe some random hermit crab and actually added some symbolism. That makes it a lot more interesting to contemplate what you might have meant by it! Aside from the grammatical errors that TL G-Wooster pointed out, good job!

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blacktiger3915
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blacktiger3915 commented · Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:18 pm

I'm agreeing with TL G-Wooster. Good job darkdove! See you 4th period!

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Twit
Review
Twit wrote a review · Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:52 pm

Very nice! Nice imagery and description.

Only, shouldn't it be "hermit crab"? Or is it an abnormally clever joke that I'm too thick to see? ^_~

Skimming the top , never once touching the inside.


There's too many spaces between the comma, and considering what comes next, is it best to end this line with a full stop? In fact you end every line with a full stop, when you don't need to, unless that's the point?

Skimming the top, never once touching the inside. This could be either a comma or full stop.
They hide in their shells of green and red.
Aristocrats in the society, high powered laziness. Comma here
Looking for a weak spot and never read the real meaning.
Withdraw back into their lit shells that shine light blue.
Pretending to be something their not and searching for fake importance.
Savagers that skimmed the top and never the inside.




Looking for a weak spot and never read the real meaning.


"Reading" would be better.

Pretending to be something their not and searching for fake importance.


Their = they're



Stupid risks make life worth living.
— Homer Simpson