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Wiggy
Review
Wiggy wrote a review · Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:10 pm

Hey!

It looks like you're sortofish new to YWS, so welcome to it! Before anyone critiques your story, I'd suggest you use some punctuation and make this a lot longer. This doesn't count as a story (it's only a paragraph), and before I continue, I'd like to see a bit longer version. I'd be happy to give it a proper critique then. :)

Hint: dialogue is useful, along with capitalizing the beginning of your sentences. ;)

Wiggy ;)



Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
— Lyndon B. Johnson