Deleted

I have just done a cut and paste edit. The things I've changed are in bold.

My peers at school comically call me Lucretia- which happens to be humorous only to them. Their murmurs only stiffen my neck a little and the stings from their jokes and references stop stinging long before they knew it hurt. I was now made of as novocaine- it had its side effects.

The cafeteria, is the only place where the numbness wears off a little, forced to face the reality that I was an outcast within outcast. I was obligated to sit among these people. THE MAN took away the only substitute I had.

I feared that I would once more stand up and eat the slop served to us.

A sharp ring met my ear,causing me to turn in its direction. The ring repeated itself. My eyes stopped at a girl who was waving me over.


Okay, this was a little rough. Maybe in the future, you could do a little more editing before you post. At least make sure you capitalize all of your "I"s. It's annoying to read without the "I"' capitalized and it makes you come off as lazy- not a good thing.

I double spaced your paragraphs, because that's how we do it here on YWS. The font is kind of small for those of who are lucky to have monster monitors.

The grammar and usage was a little rough too. I smoothed over some of the worst places, like where you jumped between tenses. It wasn't the worst I've seen, but then again, I've seen a lot.

Anyway, I hope I don't sound too discouraging. Just keep working and try to get your "I"s capitalized at least.

made it shorter.

ummm...
you should post a new topic for every new chapter. Like I was told before if its too long it tends to disscourage readers. People are lazy!

don't worry I was told the very same thing to so don't feel bad. ^_^