Hello!
I understand that this is, how can I say this? In beta? I'm not sure if I'm saying the right thing, but I'll give you my opinions anyway.
You refer to Alex as
yet earlier, you say he is a gengar. If I am not mistaken, gengar are pokemon. Since he is a pokemon, I would avoid referring to him as "a boy" because that implies that the person "a boy" is referring to is a human, not a pokemon. That really threw me off while I was reading it.the only boy who did not attend the school,
Elec Buzz's posie of students who attended the Rustboro Trainer School. Of the posie, Alex was
I don't think you meant "posie," as "posie" refers to a small bouquet of flowers (ring around the rosie, a pocket full of posie). I think you meant "posse," as in a group of people.
That would be what we call a run on. Try this instead:He was successful in this and planned to gain his trust then kill him when he was least expecting it to avenge Elec.
He was successful in this, and planned to gain his trust. Then, when he was least expecting it, he would kill him to avenge Elec.
Typo alert!
Alex was curse by his mother
Put a comma after the parenthesis in paragraph 2 of the summary.
Paragraph three gets a little confusing. I don't really know what's going on. Try to clear it up a little. Explain a little more about the Crisitinas.
"some how" should be "somehow."Some how Alex respected Elec
I think this will be really interesting once everything is done. I hope you post other character bios on this site so readers such as I can read them and piece together more of the story. I hope that this was helpful to you. Happy writing!
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