This is was uhh sort of written as a rap.
lol. yeah.
This is my way
This is my style
On how i get my message out
To a world thats in denial
I put my pen to a paper
And sing it from my heart
Hopefully to bring some light
To a world thats in the dark
I'm sick of it all
I'm sick of all the pain
The oppo cost for the girl
Is at a loss not gain
And I hope you can hear this
One with a mask upon your face
If tomorrow was D-Day
I hope you found your saving grace
And hopefully these words
These words that i write
Melody or reality
Attempt to put things right
I'm coming to an age
When i want to voice an opinion
And i want to use this talent
That God has blessed and given
This is just the start
Of an avalanche of world opinion
Agree to disagree
This is the evidence I've been given
So I stand here today
An ode to the world
I'm going to play my music
And hope it changes the world
Please let me know what you think:)
Would be much appreciated:)
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really liked this one! It has a nice flow and makes your message (I completly agree with you.) very clear. I can very well imagine it as a rap. Anyhow there are a few things I might change:
1. the last line in the 4th part seems a little long (only a small bit and putting it to music may help, but you might want to look over that one again.)
2.[quote]
I'm coming to an age
When i want to voice an opinion
And i want to use this talent
That God has blessed and given
This is just the start
Of an avalanche of world opinion
Agree to disagree
This is the evidence I've been given
I'm not so sure about not rhyming in these two parts, but repeating "opinion" and "given" instead, but that's my personal opinion and I think music could "fix it".
Otherwise I really like this lyric!!
Keep up the good work
I really like this. I tried to sing it in my head and it has that rap kind of vibe in it. You've made important points that if you were to be heard, you have to do it through words and voice. You also stated the consequences that will occur when the opinions are voiced which makes this piece more interesting.
Overall, it's pretty good and well written. It is catchy and portrays inportant themes and ideas. The last line of the rap seems to be just put there. It was the last line that sent the flow of the rap to a halt. I think you need to reword the last line as it is quite awkward and weak.