Little white men are invading,
They are graceful and frozen in flight,
Little white men are invading,
They are painting the whole world white.
They are attacking the trees and the houses,
And surrounding the park with a blistery cold,
The wind is counter attacking,
But failing to stop the men it folds.
Little white men have landed,
They have taken the streets and the fields,
Little white men have landed,
They have taken hold of even car wheels.
More troops fall from the heavens,
They glide down to join the attack,
People trample on them and crush them,
But there are too many and we are pushed back.
Little white men have invaded,
They glisten all over the floor,
Little white men have melted,
They are gone forever more.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Ahh ... a refreshing depiction of snowfall. Very charming, I must say.
However, some bits of the poem needs working on the rhythm. If you make an even meter throughout, the poem will flow better and the scene will have the proper ambiance of a snowfall. For eg:
The omission of "they are" will to some extent balance the meter here.
Also,
I fail to understand the image here.Could you explain? And the "s" in fold spoils the perfect rhyming with cold, right?
....beautiful ending, loved it!
Hi there! Interesting....
):
I liked this. I just have some suggestions (you don't need to listen to them
I think it would sound better if you replaced the "and" on the first line to a comma. It would be something like this: "They are attacking the trees, the houses,".
Well, that's just my opinion.
Didn't find any grammar mistakes.
Hope I helped!
- Kat
that was great, i enjoyed reading that, i liked the story in it.