No more crying, its not worth the fight, nor the tears that from my eyes, each and every night. You never cared, that I can see, How could I be s blind? How coulx hou fool me? I hung to your every word, trusted in all you had to say, but I failed to look beneath the surface, and reallysee what was on display.
The relationship is over, I don't regret it one bit, I'm glad that I see now, now I dont have to deal with your s*** .
Its the beginning of the end, I can truly say that I'm free, yesterday is past, today I see a beautiful reflection staring back at me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hey there!
Second of all, you have a few grammatical errors that you need to fix. (could you/really see etc).
Let's dance, darling.
First off, I just want to let you know-- inside literary works, you do not have to censor your work. As long as you rate it properly, you can use whatever words you would like without censoring.
Third of all.
You don't have any imagery here. It's all telling and no showing, full of cliche metaphors that do absolutely nothing for me. Your questions of how you could be so blind, how could this person fool you are tripe questions that really bring down the level of quality of your writing. When you say you don't regret the relationship at all, you're kind of contradicting yourself, because this entire time you've been talking about how you wish it had never happened, and now you turn around and say "I don't regret it one bit"
Pick one.
You're obviously not free, this was a harmful relationship that needs time to get over, it's not something that you just escape from in a blink of an eye. It would be more truthful and potent if you admitted you were getting over it slowly. The beautiful reflection is nice and all, but once again, tripe and cliche.
There is no imagery to this. There is no poetic quality at all. Right now, it just looks like someone whining about being tricked. I know there's something under there, you just have to pull it out. Good luck and keep trying!
Sparkles
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Hello!
I liked it. Here's my question! o_O
they are no biggies!
Yes, I like your concept, it is bit motivational as well..
why on earth recently everybody's writing Paragraph-looking-poetry? Does this kind of poetry actually are like of different types? like, poetry has different kind, like sonnet?
WELL, pretty little mistakes or i would rather say, typing errors. please make a read by yourself, you'll understand!
Anyway, nicely written!
Stay fine and awesome!
Don't forget to laugh hard!
*THIS IS NOT A REVIEW! A REVIEW-LOOKING-COMMENT!
xD
Thank you!