Fore the Angels' fall,
In the midst of tranquil winds,
Nymph embodied all.
All the brown and blue,
Waters, lands and manly thirsts,
Nymph, the men, did woo.
From the forest rim,
To the thickened trees at heart,
Nymph beguiled man in.
At her siren scent,
(As the man did trot along),
Nymph hooked man hell-bent.
From the water’s sweet,
To the water’s prickly salt,
Nymph spun man at greet.
With a bathing kiss,
(As the man did splash along),
Nymph lured him to bliss.
Bliss it be at crust,
At the end of Nymph’s desires,
Nymph dispatched man’s lust.
Man and Man and more,
Drowned to bed and hung from trees.
Nymph knows she’s a whore.
Angels’ fall now past,
Voiceless winds now screaming storms,
Nymph still has a blast.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
As alwyas... I'm speechless. You're my number one favorit poet... Still I hate you for writing such amazing stuff, it makes mine look like trash xDD But, thankyouuu for letting me have another moment of astonishment!
Thanks for your comment, Lavender! Glad the feeling of it all came across.
Hi there. Lavvi in to review.
This reminded me of those poems you'd find in a collection of mythology poems. You really must know your fairy folk, because you pulled off the Nymph's personality almost flawlessly. It really captured how not all fairy folk are sweet and innocent. Most of the female ones, at least, were quite seductive, eh?
I really picture this somewhere in the British Isles, I don't know why, but the descriptions are just so much like it. Not that I've been there, but I've seen pictures and have some friends there as well. It was an eerie poem.
Lavvi
Thanks for your comments and reviews! Really really appreciate them.
This was such a great idea: combining more haiku's into one single poem. Wonderful! I just have to say, I enjoyed reading this so much. No mistakes to point out, your poem is beautiful! Well done!
Also, I loved these the most:
Great ending/beginning!
Hey, Dani!
So, I like haiku poems a lot a lot, and I was excited to see that these were haiku! I've also done what you did here, which is create a bigger poem using the haiku scheme.
I think the most major problem I had with this poem is that you decided to make all the haiku rhyme. I've never seen a rhyming haiku, and I don't think it's customary to have them rhyme in the first place. Breaking old rules is always good, of course, but since a haiku has so few lines and words, the real power should radiate from the image itself rather than a poetic device.
I also was slightly thrown off by some structural things you had, for example:
and
The first one is just unnecessarily confusing, even though it's easy to figure out how it's supposed to be read. However, I as the reader don't want to have to be making guesses like that. I do understand it's for the rhyming only, but since the rhyming isn't really required...
With the second point, I don't understand why you didn't have "trotted". I mean, it has the same number of syllables, and it sounds better, at least in my opinion. (Gee, I really hope "trotted" is a word now...)
All of the haikus' last lines start with "Nymph". This does create consistency, yes, but it also makes the whole poem sound rather list-like and blunt. Haiku should be like feathers, light and flowy and smooth and silent. Or at least that's the image I have with most haikus I read. (Not with every one I've written myself, but anyway...)
I like most of the words you have here, because they support the nymph theme; for example "siren" and the water descriptions and what not. I'm really glad you decided to do haiku, since as I said, I like them a lot! Keep writing!
Demeter
x
--Im going to say how much i enjoyed your poem :]
I really liked how it was all haikus!
It just added to how dramatic it was :]
and i really like how they rhyme.
rhyming just makes me happy, cause for me it seems to flow much better.
*even though im not the best at it*
but this was really good!
Please keep writing!
great job!
p.s. i enjoy how you used the word "nymph" cause its just... it works. I like itt!