My love.

by danipower0204

Published February 28, 2011

You are the flower of worlds,
When I look at you,
My heart fills itself.

You are the angel’s sweet,
When I dare smell you,
My tongue takes a bath.

You are a waterfall of butter,
When you touch my lips,
We melt in unison.

You are the starry twinkles,
When I taste your evil,
My past and future fade.

You are the lustrous love,
When I savor you,
My fire strikes alight.

You are the scorpion’s poison,
When I’m done with you,
My stomach twists and twirls.

Now I can’t look at you,
Until we meet again,
Or I will purge your beauty.


Oh how I love you, Chocolate.

Comments & reviews · 9
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MattLangg
Review
MattLangg wrote a review Review · Mar 6, 2011

I absolutely love this ^.^
You build the listener's tension as the poem progresses, then the ultimate conclusion is magnificently crafted!
A couple of things;

You are the flower of worlds;
When I look at you,
My heart fills itself.

You are the angel’s sweet;
When I dare smell you,
My tongue takes a bath.

You are a waterfall of butter;
When you touch my lips,
We melt in unison.

You are the starry twinkles;
When I taste your evil,
My past and future fade. [Maybe use something like 'blur' rather than fade, it will make it seem like you go into your own reality or something of that sort.]

You are the lustrous love;
When I savor you,
My fire strikes alight.

You are the scorpion’s poison;
When I’m done with you,
My stomach twists and twirls.

Now I can’t look at you,
Until we meet again,
Or I will purge your beauty.


Oh how I love you, Chocolate.

These are just some things I would have done, it's great as it is though :)

User avatar
Ritaki
Comment
Ritaki commented Comment · Mar 6, 2011

I was just a tinsy bit creeped out when I first started reading this..but continued anyways and it was worth it! I had a good laugh :P Very clever!

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danipower0204
Comment
danipower0204 commented Comment · Mar 2, 2011

Thanks guys! Really appreciate all the nice comments from you! And I'm glad you liked it!

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Giselle97
Review
Giselle97 wrote a review Review · Mar 2, 2011

I love your poem. The last part made me laugh. I thought you were talking about someone but you were talking about chocolate. I like how you describe your feelings towards chocolate. I dont think I know anyone else who have a feeling that deep about it. LOVE IT! ;D

ShadowPrincess16 commented Comment · Mar 2, 2011

Wow. I liked this one a lot. I like how you wrote about something that I would honestly never write about. All in all, it was a fun read.

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misstoria
Comment
misstoria commented Comment · Mar 1, 2011

I loved it!! At first I found it a little shaking when you mentioned butter and tongue bathing, but it is quite nice. THe last line was amazing, a great suprise!!

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danipower0204
Comment
danipower0204 commented Comment · Mar 1, 2011

Thanks! Appreciate your comment! :)

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IcyFlame
Review
IcyFlame wrote a review Review · Feb 28, 2011

Haha, the end made me giggle! I didn't wuite understand the line about evil until that point but I do now; chocolate is the worst temptation in the world.
I don't really have a lot of critiscm which I guess makes this review kind of pointless.
Sorry!
But I did like it :)



Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
— Dr. Seuss