Published August 5, 2011
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138,925 Literary Works • 672,328 Reviews
I really enjoyed reading this. Your stanzas are well formed and rhyme scheme has a nice presence.
Your imagery detail is remarkable, really great stuff!.
Really loved this stanza.
'At first I thought that you just used the wrong spelling of 'bear'.
but after reading it with both words context it works either way. I like the way you have it, "oceans carry their pride on waves..."
"oceans uncover their pride on waves..."
Great piece of poetry, I also love that fact that you wrote this out of impulse. That's how I like to write, just get inspired and write whatever comes to mind first. Keep writing!
I love this! The imagery is amazing, i can picture every word in my head. It's amazing how things can inspire you to write, and what ever inspired you must be great because this poem is amazing.
Keep up the great work
Hellu, Je suis le demon du Ess!
Néeh, Hi! I like this poem, great rythm and flow and you truly have some great imagery and descriptions going for you! To say something helpful or improve-able I say that would be the occasional forced rhymes. Some of them just didn't seem to bring anything to the poem, mostly they just made a very good stanza less impressive. Also, a few... and I mean, very few grammatic errors so that's good! Oh right, now I remeber; I'm not sure if this is an error of if I'm just reading it wrong but on this line;
"Ever glance and noise prevailing rest." don't you mean "every".. ?
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Hellu, Je suis le demon du Ess!
Néeh, Hi! I like this poem, great rythm and flow and you truly have some great imagery and descriptions going for you! To say something helpful or less good that would be the occasional forced rhymes. Some of them just didn't seem to bring anything to the poem, mostly they just made a very good line stanza less impressive. Also, a few... and I mean, very few grammatic errors that I'm sure you'll find if you just take a quick second look. Also, I'm not sure if this is an error of if I'm just reading it wrong but on this line;
"Ever glance and noise prevailing rest." don't you mean "every".. ?
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Good use of detail and imagery.
This was a little iffy both in rhyme and meaning but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
Overall, you clearly put a lot of time into this. I could tell you were, as some critics might say, trying to follow a recipe in format and storyline and I commend you for what you have written. Also I understand not every line needed to rhyme, and the fact that you did not try to force a rhyme in some instances also aided the storyline where as in the above quote, I felt that the last line was forced and dare I say added confusion when it comes to interpreting it. However, I would appreciate your clarification before giving a final grade on this although I stand by my review title that it was very good.
Sincerely,
Elitehusky
I really like this poem. I could see the image of this happening. I like your choice of words and the title(it drew me in). Keep it up!(: