Deleted for re-write.
Can be found under the new title Broken But Not Crushed!
~day
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
I agree with Nate, I wanted more details about the attack on the Jewish man. Could you give us more dialogue of the passengers inside the bus? And you did a good job of describing what the theatre looked like on the outside, and what it smelled like on the inside, but I wanted more information about the inside of the theatre. What does it look like? Is it in good condition, or is it beginning to become dilapitated from a lack of funds?
When Anetke realizes that she was rejected from other auditions because of her nationality, how does that make her feel? Could you show us her emotions playing out on her face?
The only other nitpick I have is pretty minor:
Sun doesn't need to be capitalised here.
Other than that, good job. I think the story flowed well, I just wanted more dialogue. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.
It's a shame this doesn't have more comments. I thought it was well-written and interesting to read.
I haven't read the other chapters, but this chapter could easily stand as a story by itself. Your descriptions are vivid, the writing style is nicely refined, and the dialogue is done very well.
I would've liked to read more about her playing, and the bus ride also went by too quickly. Rather than a harsh incident that should be remembered, the attack seem to be just a momentary aside. However, that might be appropriate if your character is finding such scenes increasingly common. Yet, if this is her first or second time viewing such an act, it should be more vivid.