Somewhere
Somewhere out there a life waits for me.
Over the rolling green hills speckled with golden rod and the
sharp snow tipped mountains it is there.
Beyond the shinning lakes and reflective ponds it waits.
Past the vast emerald green tundras where buffalo roam and
the massive sapphire oceans now blotted with oil
it sits there waiting for me to claim it.One day when i
break through the chains of adolescence i will make my quest to find it.
Somewhere out there.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey. I thought this was really good. I thought it was descriptive, and gave a lot of imagery. But I think you do need to cut down on the length of your lines. Maybe for the longer ones, you separate it into two lines where it says 'and'. Otherwise it is like the line drags on forever, and it wrecks any flow in the poem you might have already had. But other than that, it was really good.
I liked your poem, it was very emotional. An interesting mix of hope and desperation. I would recommend restructuring it into more lines with less length, add some punctuation and give it some pace. Otherwise I liked the way you described the world, it made it sound so big and accentuated the "somewhere".