Published May 19, 2010
For some love is hard to fall into,but
for all, it is harder to fall out of.
Falling out of love is a painful transition
from joy to despair, from light to dark,
and from the warmth of loves embrace to
the cruel icy cold ache of loneliness. You
feel like your whole world has gone black and that
you have nobody left to care for...to care for you.
Yet, you should rejoice for this heartbreak is
leading you to your next love. All heartbreaks are, are
stepping stones to find your true soul mate.
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I'm sure this could be a good start for something longer - the idea of taking the bright side of heartbreak and seeing it as just another step forward could bear being explored a bit in-depth, but this definitely needs work. Your sentence structure is weird: the first two lines are a nice example - I can see what you mean, but I've had to re-read them a couple of times to extricate the meaning from the sentence. Your images are pretty common, and overblown: "the cruel icy cold ache of loneliness", hyperbole much? You're also going at repetition wrong: "nobody left to care for...to care for you." and "All heartbreaks are, are" are very awkward-sounding, and detract from the reading.
Hello
I could not have said it better myself. These are true wise spoken words. I liked the poem. It was simple and to the point. I had a problem with the structure though. I feel maybe you should spread out the poem a bit. Then it will be easier to read through. It felt like I was reading through an essay or something. I liked it though, and I hope I helped a little.