Inside I cry
Inside I weep,but that is only on the inside.
It is never allowed to escape the confines of my eyes,
for if it does there would be another great flood.
The rivers would overflow their banks, and the world would end.
They would not be able to save themselves,they would drown from my sorrows,
of what might have been, what is, and of what us yet to come.
They will not survive. Worst of all, before they meet their inevitable demise
of my own affliction, they will scrutinize my existence.
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,847 Reviews
It's great that you delved so deeply into the topic and described it with such imagination and detail. That's what too many writers seem to have a problem with, so it's wonderful that you don't.
You might want to proofread a bit; like TheNewHero pointed out, "Allowed", not "aloud", and "of what isyet to come".
The first two lines seem a bit redundant. You've used the word "inside" three times in one sentence. I know it's supposed to be emphasizing a point with repetition, but it just sounds a bit awkward. Try using a synonym. You also say "cry" and "weep" in close proximity of each other, which also sounds too repetitive.
Profound piece. Keep it up.
Heyo! Aloud should be allowed. Besides that, no nit-picks. I think though you should change all the "it"'s to My tears because I found myself wondering what "It"? Also, this line is very strong:
It was your best line because of its strength and simplicity. I think because of this line, you could break this up into three parts. Firstly, a very emotional opener about the vaccuum that is your heart, followed by that simple sentence, ending with what chaos would happen to the real world if you expressed your feelings.
Chaos to the real world. I thinkk you shouldn't limit what would happen to just rivers. One of the worst things of humanity is physically or verbally expressed depression or suffering which results in bullying, war etc.
Okay,
Well done,
Fly On,
TheNewHero