Young Writers Society

Hi! Hero here to review this

---

Okay, I must admit... your title hooked me. I was hoping for a very beautiful comparison piece where I realize the truth, but only two parts in your poem echoed this. Don't get me wrong, I really loved it (*Liked*) but it could have been better...

Yes, 'Un-Neat' is not a word and though you might know that, you still used it Unkempt or untidy or disorganized

I would really, really prefer better comparisons. You can do it, I know you can. I know that especially because I read:

cyndaday95 wrote:you have to take care of it. Every person who comes and sticks aroundwrites a story, and every single story is a work of art.

Read this and compare it to the rest of your poem and see what makes it so good, then imitate it with the rest. I didn't get that edge piece. Maybe you need to study notebooks?:

They have pages - compare something there? "There's alot of pages"
Lines
Cover (Not to be judged?)

Take your notebook and read it Look for similarities with your life

Okay,s o this was like a zippy review and not so organized, but I hope it helped Hero out,

Really nice. I love your perspective and the metaphores you make.
Few things to look at:

they become a part of you. Then they just
rip away and leave. Life has lines , where
if you cross them it becomes UN-Neat (change that...its not exactly a word so its looks and sounds kinda funny) and sloppy

First off capitalize the first word of each stanza...this will make it look neat. the other things are bolded in the quote.

add some commas to make it flow better. ...more commas i mean...like at the end of stanzas in some places.

it was a great poem and fun to read and think about.

feel free to PM or comment on my guest book with any questions comments complaints or concerns.

♥ ♥ emoticon welcome to YWS!