(secrets)
on the thorn my finger falls
a drop of blood as dark as
night is when I’m all alone
hiding from the falling rain
silver moonlight silver rose
darkness on my ivory hands
if I told you I was waiting,
would you believe me?
the days are growing shorter now
my heart is growing colder
and I know
there is not much time
before winter comes
maybe
tonight I will
open up my heart to you
there are things I’d like to tell you
(I might not be
so innocent)
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
cymbeline_x,
I don't really like this, I'm sorry to say. The parenthesis are confusing. Is he/she saying this to someone and the parenthesis are only thoughts? Or what is going on?
You begin talking about blood andrain, and then move onto waiting, and then to winter, and then to opening up to someone. That's a plethera of action for such a short poem.
Hope you take all this into consideration.
Pandora