I really like it. Normally when I see a bunch of adjectives all together like you have them in the beginning it feels cluttered to me, but you used them very well.
November’s Child
solitude and
snowy nights
grey leaves in your
midnight hair
tangled upon your
broken shoulders
melancholy hazel eyes
gentle hands and
frozen heart
trails of frost
down ivory cheeks
silence
in the starless night
like bitter honesty
there is nothing I could say
to comfort you
spring will come
but by then you will
be gone
the winter is long
and you are fragile
smile
for me,
though I know your heart is cold
I wish I could tell you that
I still loved you—
sleep
for the moment
dream
if you can
one day
you will cease to be
you will
disappear
I really like it. Normally when I see a bunch of adjectives all together like you have them in the beginning it feels cluttered to me, but you used them very well.
I love the title. And just about the rest of the poem. Imagery of the cold elements always seems to paint a very detailed picture in my head. I loved the 'cold' and 'ice' and 'ivory cheeks' and all that.
Well done.
Hey, thanks for describing me.
I actually liked this, which is surprising because I haven't read much that I didn't really have naything to say. I'm in quite a hurry though... rush rush rush, but I did like this
It's very nice. Flows like a good poem should. I especially like the title. The title, indeed, was the thing that caught my attention. It practically begged me to read your poem.
As always,
POKE
cymbeline_x wrote:November’s Child
solitude and
snowy nights
grey leaves in your
midnight hairtangled upon your
?broken shoulders? (what?)
melancholy hazel eyes
gentle hands and
frozen heart
trails of frost
down ivory cheeks
silence
in the starless night
like bitter honesty
there is nothing I could say
to comfort you
spring will come
but by then you will
be gone
the winter is long
and you are fragile
smile
for me,
though I know your heart is cold
I wish I could tell you that
I still loved you—
sleep
for the moment
dream
if you can
one day
you will cease to be
you will
disappear
awesome! it's dicey, but it's a good dicey! ...i'm not really sure how to put that haha.
Although I do have to agree...some punctuation may be helpful!
Good job!
wonderfully written!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
although, i really love the fall and winter
I like the style you write with. Beautiful.\
Fav. part:
"sleep
for the moment
dream
if you can
one day
you will cease to be "
BEAUTIFUL
Pandora
Hello. I like this. I particularly like the 'midnight hair'. I think it's pretty good.
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