Published June 30, 2011
The black ink lurks
beneath my skin,
waiting to set free
my soul, my everything, me.
It makes me see
things that aren't there,
things that a crazy
person would see. Not me.
I can feel it,
slithering and slashing
my light, waiting
for the right moment to take me.
I can feel the way
it beats against my heart,
the way it sheds,
the way it screams for mercy.
It wears me out,
it makes me lethargic,
causes me to feel
anything but happiness.
I've been fighting
this monster for far
too long, so maybe
it's time to let it win.
But I won't let it win,
because I'm stronger than it,
and I can conquer it.
No way will it kill me.
No way will I let it murder,
I'll kill it myself if I must,
if only I can just close my eyes,
but I must fight or perish.
My lips are bleeding,
My brain is slowing,
My poison is spreading,
My lungs are collapsing.
I will see them again,
I will run again,
I will scream again.
I have conquered.
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138,356 Literary Works • 672,109 Reviews
Very dark but aren't we all a bit at times, it's beautiful and I love the emotion you show and how honest you are!!
very good descriptive writting, gives the poem an image and brings it to life, good job
Lots of emotion, and it's clear that there's a history behind these words - I applaud you. I did have some issues with the first two or three stanzas, because it felt like you were trying to make it rhyme (ABCC rhyme scheme), but then it stopped. I don't think you intended it to rhyme, but you may want to take a look at that.
Apart from that, good grammar, very well punctuated, and I'm thrilled that I can finally read a work that uses correct enjambment. Well done, hope you keep writing.
I loved this poem. Every bit of it.
I really appreciate the fact that you managed to excellently convey your emotions in so little words. That honestly requires so much skill...I love it. The emotions present in this piece feel like they're being translated so well. I felt what you were feeling. I'm sorry you have to feel this way...but I thank you for this poem. It was beautiful.
Your poem has a lot of ideas broken up over lines. While this is sometimes annoying, you totally pulled it off. I truly enjoyed reading this. Someone already said this, But I too loved how you got dark and rich at the same time. The way you described your fight was epic too. I've noticed a lot of the poems on the site and freestyle, which is awesome. I love freestyle. Thank you for showing how brilliant this type of poetry can be.
This Poem is remarkable, i hope this is not a personal outburst but in a poets view it has a rich quality
the stanzas are beautifully structured which highlight the words and the words highlight the emotion behind the poem
so all together i believe that this poem is very good
keep it up
The poem had a dark, rich quality which was absolutely amazing. I love the you talk about the negativity building up inside. And your ability to conquer it. The imagery was awesome. And all in all a great piece of poetry. I found your poem flawless so I don't really have any criticism to offer. Keep up the good work. =)
This was just beautiful! I'm sorry if you are actually going through that, and the only thing I thjought about the whole time was the movie My Sister's Keeper. But this was a great and an amazing poem.
Good job,
Emmy
Wow, very emotional, strong piece! I don't have much to say other then that - it looks good in all areas and is a very deep poem.