that surreal harmony
electric drugs capture ones vivid sense
a white shimmer screams to form
with every demand give an impression
not to waste our questions
on abstract silhouette
observe young
craft out of suffering
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
i dont get it......i think you should explain/expand more on your subject, give it depth and meaning.(if you didn't alredi try that lol) Throw some imagery in there. Those were just a few ideas, hope it didnt sound 2 harsh.
Oh my God. This poem's about to fall off the page and still no reviews. That's sad. So I will review it.
Well, my first impression is that it's kind of weird. No punctuation, no grammatical correctness whatsoever...my inner grammarian would like to bop you in the head with a stick.
My second impression is that it has some powerful images and the disjointedness...kind of works. I really liked the first part, but the last three lines threw me off. I think "silhouette" should be plural and the last two lines just didn't fit. I'm sorry I don't have a better explanation than this. Maybe you could reword them so they fit better with the rest of the piece.
Overall, jarring, but in a good way. Still could use some cleaning up, though. Keep writing!