Grey clouds assemble in dawns,
Wind blows furiously with crows,
When would the wind calm down?
I don't know now.
When did moon cut the sun?
Hitler gives up his crown?
Who shout and angels run?
Stop, don't frown.
Not everything is right,
Something blocks my mind,
But I have my sight,
I got friends I can find.
Let my clock go,
Fix collars right.
When would my God know?
To set my mood tight.
Stay off and learn patience.
Letting time smooth the edge,
Line Joy with obedience,
Let my smile cover the wedge.
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138,667 Literary Works • 672,204 Reviews
I agree with Pharnack as far as making the impression you want to get across more dominate and I agree with Ashley about this being open enough for others to interpret. I typically take things more literally than need be, but even this I enjoyed. The only real problem is that at the beginning, the rhyme scheme is a little choppy and contorted. You got some words that don't really seem like they can rhyme.
Hey!
I like this poem and I think you effectively put your emotion into it. I was only a little confused with the dominant impression you were trying to portray. Perhaps if you could display the connection throughout the poem it might become slightly more cohesive and all of it leading the reader to a single idea.
Besides that minor thing, it's a great poem! Best of luck and keep on writing!
THe poems was well put together and gave out feeling. I feel like you did a good job and if the grammar was better it would be perfect.
A good poem. What I like most is that it gives the reader enough space to interperet the poem in his/her own way.
This confuses me alot. Why 'goes' and not 'go'? And why 'Let my God glows' and not 'Let my God glow.'? Anyway, what attracts me the most is, 'Let time smooth the edges' Great poetry. Keep it up.