The Earth

I had to read it a few times to get the rhyme scheme, but it's good. A little short, but it's to the point. Very nice.

this has a sense of doom and gloom, it's a bit short but i doubt that should really matter as long as it good and it brings in comments and the reader enjoys it, just make longer words to make it less ... what's the word ... i forgot just to brighten it up change the words so they still have the same meaning though and so it still makes sense of course. also it seems a little bit for younger readers so just define that at the begging but i also like the hidden message that we should stop destroy the world we live in this is good and i really enjoyed reading it keep it up!

Ok, let me just say that I really liked the meaning of the poem, but I didn't like the poem. It was much too short for such a large concept. People have made hour and a half long movies about global warming and stuff like that, so you must be able to write a little more than six lines. PLEASE try revising it and putting a little more depth into it. If you remember, let me know when you post it up here. I would love to read a slightly deeper version of this! Now don't get me wrong, I am not protesting short poems, I actually prefer them some of the time. But for a topic as severe as this it needs a little more meat. Its not much of a sandwhich if all you have is the top bun. I mean think about how important this world is, to both us and animals. Polar bear fathers are dieing because the ice melts and drowns them before they get back to land. The poor cubs have to grow up with only a mother. This is the case with MANY animals and we need to stop it. If a polar bear could read, I think they would appreciate a 16 line poem rather than a 6 line poem. So, Good luck with your revisemets!!!

A nice short message in it.sweet.

Keep writing and most importantly posting them here!

Hi cupcake,

It was definitely a short and sweet poem! Well done! And I like the fact that it rhymed and you spoke about the environment though it. Really great. Here's some constructive critcism:

I do agree that a poem can be as short or as long as the author wants it to be, however, this "short poem" needs to be extended for the fact that everything needs to be explained in a little more detail. Some poems are good when short, but I feel that it would be better if extended with more detail added in. Yes? And you are also speaking about the environment - one of the most important issues in the world today, so I think by explaining more and extending it, you could make this poem a real impacting one!

Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

Boolovesyou wrote:

cupcake wrote:The Earth is big.
The Earth is stong.
It's getting weaker,
For it won't be long,The idea of saying "For" probably went with the rhythm, but it doesn't fit in the poem.
before we destoy it,
and the Earth will be gone.

I put out the pattern on your poem and it doesn't really fallow rhythm from lines 2 and 4. The rhythm pattern goes like
A
B
A
B
or even
A
B
C
However, yours is more like:
A
B
C
B
D
B
You see how the A C D are completely out of place? It may sound better if you work on the pattern some more.


I have a comment on a poem that is "Me, weee!" is ridiculous, and a poem has to have substance. Yours does. "Me, weee!" not so much... Anyway back to your review. Its pretty good, but maybe work a little more on it.

cupcake wrote:The Earth is big.
The Earth is stong.
It's getting weaker,
For it won't be long,The idea of saying "For" probably went with the rhythm, but it doesn't fit in the poem.
before we destoy it,
and the Earth will be gone.

This is to everyone who said my poem was too short:
A poem can be as long or short as the author wants it to be. In fact, the shortest poem in the world is only two words long and this is it:
Me, weeeeee!

vstarfirix wrote:I know my poem is really bad (nothing like yours) and I think all the other viewers would agree as well.

I totally get the message but as the others have already said it's a bit short so I would just put some more stuff in. You could tell why the earth is getting destroyed and so on, but in general it is quite sweet and simple but it isn't anything special.

Dear cupcake,
You poem is great.

Even though your poem is short,
It makes a lot of sense,
And your poem is in,
the future tense.

I know my poem is really bad (nothing like yours) and I think all the other viewers would agree as well. Well, anyways, keep up the good work!

Hmmm...all I can say is Hmmm, this is short.
Short but meaningful, and the rhyme emphasizes the theme.
I read this once, I read it twice noticing gone rhymed with long.
If I was too write it, I would write a bit more.
Though that is your style and it is short and to the point.