Published September 13, 2010
The voice was loud, it echoed in my ear.
The face, it changed, as smile became a sneer.
The twisting tounge spat tangled twisted words,
My ear deciphered meaning from the slurs.
When harsh lies stoped tumbling past his teeth,
The truth was showing underneath,
The flimsy shield of his facade.
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Canary word: Present
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141,286 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Heya. This poem was really short so there's not much to review. Here's two cents: Inject some more personal emotion into it. Well, thanks for the read!
Hi Cubesj! Welcome to YWS! I hope you will get some great reviews here, as well as do a bit of reviewing, yourself.
Well. On with the review! As you can see, I fixed a little typo there in the middle. I really like that you rhymed while keeping it not only relevant, but natural and unforced, too. Good work!
Your enjambment was very well done, so I think the main thing you have to work on is meter. Right now, your meter is something like this: 10-11-10-10-9-8-8. Maybe you could try making every line ten syllables long, or alternate between 10 and 11 or something like that. For help on enjambment, click here: http://www.cummingsstudyguides.net/xmeter.html
I hope this helps!
- Abigail