Sorrow

The wolf howls a celestial song of sorrow
As the sun preaches a multi-hued farewell.
I wait in mourning for night to draw near
But all that comes is everlasting hell.

Comments & reviews · 3
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-Save-Ferris-
Review

I think you have some interesting vocabulary and imagery but there wasn't really enough punctuation and I didn't really get it. Whether that was because it was so short I don't know. Also the title didn't seem to fit. I think it needs some more work =/

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sarahcrosbeh
Comment

Yes, this is very good, but very short...maybe alittle too short.

The rhyme is also very good :) Basically everything said above.

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Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Fri Sep 14, 2007 10:27 pm

What you have is great but it's much too short to be a complete poem. Your imagery is pretty, you have a good vocabulary and the rhyme is effective but the punctuation needs to be added and you need to extend it. A few suggestions -

The wolf howls a celestial song of sorrow
As the sun preaches a multi-hued farewell.
I wait in mourning for night to draw near
But all that comes is everlasting hell.



The adjective should reinvent the noun.
— Leslie Norris