Published November 11, 2007
Moon
A guardian of
The midnight sky,
You stand alone.
A guard to
The morning gates,
You wait.
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140,914 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
hahaha... i like your style. makes you seem like a nun......oops forgive me i was talking about the above post. may your blessings be with you too.
the poem was short and real cheeky ,i thought, because i always think that the moon just comes and then goes, it doesn't seem to wait. i am unfortunately, not very good at the short 'uns and i would suggest you adapt on the theme a little more, hmmm?
and o yes thanks for the read short though it was and may peace and pizza cutters always be with you.......
Peace, love, and blessed be.
I thank you for your reviews.
I love the whole moon thing...but, yeah i agree it's a little short.
I suggest adding something like,
Or something along those lines.
Ya know what I mean?
Its really short but good...
It's...cute? I would like to see more. I have a serious problem with "little ditty" poems, I just don't know what to do with them. I can rate them against each other, but not as singular poems. I like the idea you have here, but there isn't any...mmmmm emotion? Add feeling, make the reader care about the moon. Right now, it's just a moon. At least Bear named it Luna...ya know? I need to know why I am to care about this moon you speak of.
Happy Editing!
Via
This is a very interesting poem. It seems to hold a lot of...potential. However, I must nag you about a few things.
Correct sentences. Yes, poems need these too.
Love the first two lines. They really seem to expose what the moon is. However at the end of the last line, there either needs to be semi colon ( ; ) or a period. If you use a period, though, I suggest adding more to the "You stand alone."
Once again, first two lines lovely. But "You wait?" It seems so...small and it ruins the flow of the poem. What is it waiting for? The sun? Say that.
All in all, I thought it was great. I absolutely love and admire the moon, but never thought to put it in words. This poem really seems to tell what the moon is, using great metaphors, but not metaphors in the same way. ((Oh, I hope that made sense, I'm so tired that I can't tell xD; ))
((I'm also so tired that I forgot my signature))
<3;
Emily