This poem is very deep in meaning to me. Some of you might not understand, but others of you will. All I have to say is that the meaning behind this poem is very hard for me to describe. I've been going through some tough times lately and writing has let me release the pain with out causing even more pain. Also, I cut out one stanza because I couldn't bear to put that kind of pain out for the world to see. And no, I'm not suicidal. I promise.I'd never be able to cause my friends and family that much guilt and depression.
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Face in the Mirror
Who is this person I see?
The face in the mirror, staring at me
She hopes my hopes and dreams my dreams
But this girl isn't the same
All anybody knows
Is the person I choose to show
From the inside out, I hide it so well
So that nobody knows my hell
I can't even see myself anymore
It's like the old me ran out the door
My pain, it runs too deep
I'm never safe, not even in my sleep
Who is the person I see?
The face in the mirror, staring at me
She hopes my hopes and dreams my dreams
But this girl just isn't me
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I think that this poem could be much improved by the elimination of the rhyme scheme. When I read it, what jumps out at me is the fact that it rhymes (rhymes that are the obvious ones, nothing that someone couldn't think up off the top of their head), not the content. It should be the other way around. For an example of a good rhyming poem, I'd recommend you read Robert Frost's I Have Been One Acquainted With the Night: http://www.internal.org/view_poem.phtml?poemID=119
In general, this poem as a whole seemed rather obvious to me. Personally, I'd stick with the abstract you presented in the first stanza, where you don't outright say that the narrator is the girl in the mirror. Same with the last stanza. I'd stick with those. The second and third obviously names the narrator as herself (rather than separating her from the face in the mirror) and sounds a touch like whining.
It's strange to see so many people feel the same. When you're going through what your feeling, it really doesn't feel like it.
I like this poem, although I feel that the ryhme has been forced in some places. Am I right?
"I'm never safe, not even in my sleep"
This is the line that bothers me most, but I can't find a way around it.
Keep writing if it lets you release pain, and don't be afraid to show everything you have written, even if you think it's too painful.
Wow! That was awsome, i've been feeling like that lately too.
I thought it was great!