I Am Aware

by crescent
  • September 20, 2011
  • Other

Spoiler! :
I wrote this a while ago, and I honesty don't know what category it falls under.

This type of insanity is new to me, incomprehensible. The light dances off his crystal eyes. Awareness is crowned as one of the scariest experiences. Certain conversations have rooted themselves into my mind until they’ve reached the center, shadowing all other memories. It becomes hard to remember what I was before… Before I became aware of him. His words taunt me in my head, “My mom wanted me to kiss the Asian at Prom.” They tease the jar of butterflies I thought I had industrially sealed inside my stomach, cracking the glass until a slow trickle of fluttering beasts emerges from their icy prison. Feelings I didn’t know I had come to the surface, and I begin to live inside a horrific nightmare. What is this nonsense? Was he beautiful? He’s him, my friend. I observe him as the days go by, wishing I could understand what was going on. The light brushes against his blonde hair, creating faint gold highlights. He doesn’t speak to me or answer the questions I haven’t asked. Instead, he hides behind his blue pillow. Everything on the yellow bus fades, and my curiosity ignites. He looks adorable cuddled against his pillow and even cuter with his glasses on the night before, snuggled inside his cocoon reading on his computer for the competition. It reminded me of being at a campfire and it made me feel warm. My motto is to ignore your problems and allow them to fade away, but I’m not sure if I can black out this information with my life pen… I am aware.

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Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review · Sun Sep 25, 2011 12:29 pm

Hi there!

My comment/corrections are in #4000BF ">violet below:

crescent wrote:This type of insanity is new to me #4000BF ">insert semi-colon here incomprehensible. The light dances off his crystal eyes. Awareness is crowned as one of the scariest experiences. #4000BF ">You jumped from describing this guy to talking about awareness. Try to stay on one topic and then transistions into the next. Certain conversations have rooted themselves into my mind until they’ve reached the center, shadowing all other memories. It becomes hard to remember what I was before… #4000BF ">before I became aware of him. His words taunt me in my head, “My mom wanted me to kiss the Asian at Prom.” They tease the jar of butterflies I thought I had industrially sealed inside my stomach, cracking the glass until a slow trickle of fluttering beasts emerges from their icy prison. #4000BF ">Wow, this last sentence is really great! You used seom nice imagery. Feelings I didn’t know I had come to the surface, and I begin to live inside a horrific nightmare. What is this nonsense? Was he beautiful? He’s him, my friend. I observe him as the days go by, wishing I could understand what was going on. The light brushes against his blonde hair, creating faint gold highlights. He doesn’t speak to me or answer the questions I haven’t asked. Instead, he hides behind his blue pillow. Everything on the yellow bus fades, and my curiosity ignites. He looks adorable cuddled against his pillow and even cuter with his glasses on the night before, snuggled inside his cocoon reading on his computer for the competition. It reminded me of being at a campfire and it made me feel warm. My motto is to ignore your problems and allow them to fade away, but I’m not sure if I can black out this information with my life pen… I am aware.

Overall this is a good piece. I like how you used the word 'aware' in this. From this I really can't tell if you're saying you like him or if you're just aware of his exsistance. You did a good job spreading out emotion in this; there's a ton of it! I also like how it's a mixture of a short story and a poem (well, at least that's how I see it). I couldn't find any grammer or spelling errors so you're good there.

Happy Review Day! Keep writing! :)

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wolfgirl13
Review
wolfgirl13 wrote a review · Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:29 pm

Hey :)
Your overall writing style is fluet and I love the language you have used. There isn't much to nitpick but I will anyway. ;)

This type of insanity is new to me, incomprehensible. The light dances off #FF0000 ">ofhis crystal eyes. Awareness is crowned as one of the scariest experiences.#00FFFF "><<I love this sentence. Certain conversations have rooted themselves into my mind until they’ve reached the center, shadowing all other memories. It becomes hard to remember what I was before… #FF0000 ">before I became aware of him. His words taught#FF0000 ">? do you mean taunt? Taught doesn't make sense to me. me in my head, “My mom wanted me to kiss the Asian at Prom.” They tease the jar of butterflies I thought I had industrially sealed inside my stomach, cracking the glass until a slow trickle of fluttering beasts emerges#FF0000 ">It should just be emerge. from their icy prison. Feelings I didn’t know I had come to the surface, and I begin to live inside a horrific nightmare. What is this nonsense? Was he beautiful? He’s him, my friend. I observe him as the days go by, wishing I could understand what was going on. The light brushes against his blonde hair, creating faint gold highlights. He doesn’t speak to me or answer the questions I haven’t asked#FF0000 ">This sentence doesn't make sense.. Instead, he hides behind his blue pillow. Everything on the yellow bus fades, and my curiosity ignites. He looks adorable cuddled against his pillow and even cuter with his glasses on the night before, snuggled inside his cocoon reading on his computer for the competition. It reminded me of being at a campfire and it made me feel warm. My motto is to ignore your problems and allow them to fade away, but I’m not sure if I can black out this information with my life pen… I am aware.


You should definatley keep writing. I love this.
Sorry for the harsh nitpicking ;)
~Wolfie
xx



The adventures I enjoy are usually of a literary nature.
— Henry Winchester