*This story is underneath my folder titled “A creature of love”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=117842&start=45. Enjoy!*
Keir opened the closet door tentatively. He didn’t want to wake her up too soon.
Her name was Mara, apparently. That was what her parents called her. That was what her family called her. Her brother and her parents.
Mara seemed like a sweet girl, just about his age, from what Keir could see in the closet. She had a habit of getting a bit defensive towards people, but Keir guessed that it was only because she didn’t want to be misinterpreted.
She was nice to her little brother. She called her friends when she could. But most importantly, Mara heard his legend and didn’t find him scary. She thought that he needed love, that he needed friendship.
That he needed a little something more.
Keir crept towards her bed, watching Mara soundly sleep. It was as close as he would get to her. He never wanted her to meet him, or else she’d run away. She would be afraid of him, no matter what she said about the legend passed on. She only heard Keir’s story, she didn’t actually meet Keir.
Her light brown eyelids fluttered a bit as she lay still, soft breaths going in and out, in and out, in and out…
He should get going. He wouldn’t want her to find him.
Keir crept back into the darkness, prepared to hide once mo-
A hand grabbed his wrist.
Keir looked down. The wrist belonged to Mara.
The moonlight showed her infinite, jewel-like blue eyes, but it also showed Keir’s ghastly, ghost-like face.
“Keir? Is that you? From the legends?” Mara asked sleepily. She was half-awake, so hopefully she would forget about him the next day.
Keir nodded.
Mara grinned and loosened her hold on his wrist, as though to soften her grip.
“I’ve heard about you. So much. I’m sorry that your family left you behind. You didn’t deserve that. Everyone expresses love differently, and you were doing it the only way you knew how. They saw you as a monster, so you became a monster. I don’t blame you.” Mara said.
What were they, ramblings in her sleep? Did she really care for him? Would she care for him despite not knowing much about him? Despite knowing the bad things about him?
Keir picked up her hand and kissed it gently. He let it fall to the side. He waited until she fell asleep again, and then he crept back into the closet.
Those could have been words that she mumbled in a sleepy state, but…but they were beautiful words.
He made sure to keep them tucked in his heart, to never forget, because as long as those words were in his mind, all would be alright.
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139,269 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Good afternoon creeper =D
Ok I do like how we are immediately starting on a creepy note. With Keir emphasizing so much that she didn’t tell him her name, he learnt it via stalking her.
Or… at least this is what springs to mind when you describe her like this, but apparently they did have talked at this point?
AND he is watching her sleep, without her knowing??
Ahh nvm, I was right to be creeped out. Aiaiaiaiai,
A missing verb here: “He wouldn’t her to find him”
I think it says a lot abt Mara that she finds a strange person in her room and immediately starts talking to them XD
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lolz yes fr
Hey there @creeperfeverdreams! I've seen your stories on yws for a while now and wanted to begin by reading some of your shorter pieces
I'm not sure if this is part of a series, but I really enjoyed this cute, meaningful exchange between Keir and Mara!
🌹ROSES🌹 (things you did well!):
- I love how you included that Keir has surmised that Mara acts defensive because she fears being misunderstood; it shows Keir has been paying attention to her actions, which I feel is always hinting at a caring relationship that must exist or soon will form between them! <3
- "That he needed something more." Ooooohhh okay this is definitely hinting at the sorta deep emotional connection these characters seem to have with each other despite the seemingly few amount of physical interactions! I like it!
This line hit hard; I think it was my favorite one in this short story! I'm not exactly sure how to express this the right way, but other people's perceptions/stereotypes of others definitely impact you and can even force you to want to become more like those stereotypes in some cases...if that makes sense
🍃THORN(s) [still part of the beautifulll rose but some personal preferences & suggestions]:
- This may just be my fault🤭 but I was a bit confused about this paragraph:
Is this to imply that Keir thinks "Mara" is only her secret name? Or to emphasize he had only heard of her from her family because they hadn't directly interacted much? I'm assuming the latter but please let me know if I'm wrong
🪷BUD (what I'm excited for in the potential future for this piece)🪷:
If you do plan to continue this story, I'm really interested to see how their relationship will develop, because, again, they seem to have quite a strong emotional connection, especially for how few times they've spoken to each other [I think?].
I think they'd understand each other really well, and from how gentle and kind Keir is in this piece, I think they'd stick together well<3
keep writing & God bless!!
There’s this story Keir’s abandonment that connects to it, but that’s about it.
That bit was because Keir has not interacted with humans a lot so he’s just going by what he hears her name to be, but I probably should have been more clear with that.
I’m glad you enjoyed this!