*This story is under my folder titled “Basement spooks”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=117842&start=105. Enjoy!*
Introduction
Nobody likes going down to the basement. Well, maybe a select few, but the average human being does not like their own basement. It may be because it’s dark and dusty, full of things they promise to take out, promise to fix, but are left to rot. If anything is sent to the basement, it is sent to die.
But perhaps the monster in the basement wishes to see the light. Maybe it does not want to be amongst the silhouettes of half-finished furniture and fading Christmas decorations. Maybe it wants to see sunlight and smell fresh air. Maybe it wants to meet people.
Maybe it wants to be more than alive.
Chapter One
Davon did not know where he came from, nor how he got there. But over time, he had come to understand that the dark, dusty place he lived in was a “basement” and the beings that did not have claws or sharp teeth who lived above him were “humans”.
There was a young human called Edward who sometimes went down to the basement. It was usually to get something from there, be it a piece of paper for school or some odd object his parents needed. Sometimes Edward saw him. When he did, he’d run, pure terror in his eyes.
Edward would always close the door before Davon could get out. It was like he didn’t want Davon to leave, which was strange, because what was so bad about getting out? Edward did it all the time.
But Davon would get out. He’d find a way.
Chapter Two
Davon reached his gray claws out to the ground and began to feel for any way to break it. His claws were strong enough to do so, but they only yielded dirt, not sunlight.
A crack or a crevice, anything for him to fully open. There were nails sticking out, mildly stinging, but not hurting much.
Anything…anything…there!
Chapter Three
A crack in the basement floor, big enough for him to break! Davon tore through it viciously, hoping to yield more than dirt and mud and…and it was still the same thing. There were bugs amongst it too, but he did not want bugs. He wanted out. He wanted sunlight.
Davon’s red eyes traveled over to the wall in front of him. He never thought to look at the walls, his head was always facing down.
But one of the walls had a box on it framed by a white border that showed the sunlight streaming in. He crawled over to the box on the wall and reached out to shatter it…
The box slid open, letting in the light and the cool air.
Chapter Four
Davon had crawled out, shielding a claw against the blinding bright light. Why didn’t he think to open that strange box before? And more importantly…
Why didn’t he think about what he’d do once he got out? What was there to do? What did he want?
People to talk to. Friends, as Edward called them.
But how to obtain friends?
Chapter Five
Edward! Edward saw him all the time! Maybe, if Davon got a chance to talk to him, then he could convince Edward to be his friend, to not run away from him.
He turned around and faced the brick wall of the house. His claws reached out and began to crawl on the wall, looking for the box that would show Edward.
The house had boxes everywhere that showed rooms and people. He just needed to find the right one.
Chapter Six
It didn’t take long for Davon to find Edward’s window. He tapped lightly on the window, letting the boy in on his presence.
Edward ran away, just like he always did. Davon was a little disappointed, but he still banged on the window.
He’d crack it himself and talk to Edward.
Chapter Seven
The window shattered into pieces, giving him white scar marks on his claws. Davon didn’t mind. He was used to stinging pain. He felt it with the nails that stuck out in the basement.
“Stay here. Do not move. You are going to scare him and then you will take him. You are under no circumstances to leave and-“
“I don’t want to stay here.”
Davon rubbed his head. That was strange. He didn’t remember talking to anyone before. But his mind brought up what must have been memories of him talking to another person.
The person didn’t sound very nice.
Chapter Eight
Davon finally found Edward in the hallway and grabbed onto the back of his shirt, pulling him back into his room. Edward was about to scream, so Davon covered his mouth with a claw.
Once they were back in Edward’s room, Davon closed the door with his magic and asked:
“Can you show me what else is outside?”
Chapter Nine
Davon had removed his claw from Edward’s mouth so that the boy could speak. Once he did, Edward turned around to face him and cried out:
“What do you mean, “what’s outside”?! Who are you?! What are you?! Why are you here?! What-why-“
“I’m Davon. I don’t know why I’m here. I was hoping that fresh air could help me. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”
Edward raised an eyebrow as if he wasn’t certain on Davon’s words. There was no need for that. He was being completely honest.
Chapter Ten
“You just want to go outside? That’s it?”
“Yes, that’s what I said.”
“You don’t want to kill me? How can I trust you?”
Trust? What did he mean? Why would Davon want to kill him? Why would he think that? That wasn’t true at all!
Chapter Eleven
“Because I don’t want to kill you, that’s how you can trust me. It’s how I feel. I’m not killing you now, am I?”
“You kind of hurt me earlier.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Edward didn’t say anything, seeming to think about Davon’s words.
“It’s fine. Just don’t do it again.” He finally said.
Chapter Twelve
“This is the park. Is there anywhere else you want to go?” Edward asked.
Edward and Davon had left the house and were in a place with a lot of trees and benches. There were people walking their dogs, people talking to each other, people everywhere.
“Not really. I just want to see everything out here. I was in the basement so long that I just want to go anywhere you’d like to take me.” Davon beamed.
He hoped that his teeth weren’t scaring Edward.
Chapter Thirteen
The two of them had been walking for a while out in the neighborhood, nobody seeming to acknowledge or even notice Davon. The walk was mostly silent, except for moments when Davon saw anything interesting, like a peculiar bug or a large, twisting tree.
“How did you end up in the basement? Do you remember?” Edward suddenly asked.
Davon felt something in him go completely cold, like there was some invisible force stopping him from talking about it. It wasn’t like he could talk about it anyway, since he didn’t remember much of it.
But he wanted to. He wanted to know why he was in that awful place at all.
Chapter Fourteen
“No. I don’t know why I ended up there. I wish I could tell you, but I…”
Bright light exploded into Davon’s eyes. Something crackled in the distance as he reached out, trying to get out and-
He felt human hands grip his wrists tightly.
Chapter Fifteen
“It’s looking at you.” Edward said, a note of fear in his voice.
The it in question was a wax-like humanoid with googly eyes and long, spaghetti hair, teeth jagged and different sizes. It clicked its claws in anticipation as it stood next to a tree. Nobody else could see it.
Davon stiffened. It was looking at him and he was beginning to remember what it was.
Chapter Sixteen
A place of darkness and torment. That was Hell. And it was supposed to be a place where only the truly bad could go.
But there was one demon in Hell who wanted to take away innocent people, too.
Morzina.
Chapter Seventeen
Morzina rapidly began running towards them. Davon wrung himself from Edward’s grip, anger swirling inside of him as the memory burned stark clear in his mind.
She was his friend once. They used to joke about how terrible the humans were. They used to torture them together. It was not enough for her. She wanted more. More souls. More pain.
He was trying to stop her, he was going to stop her-
Then Morzina banished him off to the human world.
Chapter Eighteen
“I’m surprised you made it out here.” Morzina rasped.
Her claws were gripping onto his arms as they both tumbled in a blur. Davon hoped that Edward had run away, but he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t see anything else but her.
“Why is he the only one who can see us? What do you want?” Davon asked, because he knew that she wanted something, that she wanted to take something.
Or maybe someone.
Chapter Nineteen
“Only for us to do what we are meant to do. We’re demons. We’re supposed to hurt. You are not giving it your all.”
Hurt? But not good people! No, she had it all wrong and she didn’t seem to care that she did. He could talk to her, but he had a feeling that nothing would change.
Davon had to fix it as fast as he could.
Chapter Twenty
Morzina still slashed, she wouldn’t stop, so Davon didn’t stop either. He kept using his claws until she would let go, until-
What? She was withering? No, black goo dripped from her body, she was screaming.
Davon let go. Morzina fell to the ground, eyes completely blank, slightly twitching, but not getting up.
Had he done it? Had he really killed her?
Epilogue
Morzina had disintegrated into dust after he attacked her. She didn’t come back, but Davon did not think she was dead. He did not think that she could be dead.
But he did hurt her badly, so badly that she wouldn’t be able to come back for a long time and try to banish him into the basement. He could live with Edward and see the world for what it was, with all of its bright colors.
And Edward didn’t seem afraid of him anymore.
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Ok last review of the day 😊
Oha well THAT is an interesting development! Might be even enough to explain some of the stranger behaviour. If Davon had been SOMEONE (maybe a brother of Edward’s?) before he became the monster in the basement… oh that would explain so many things!Hmm interesting premise. Let’s see what you make out of it.
I like how you describe Davon’s thoughts. I just wish you would also mention what stops him from opening the door himself?
How does he know what sunlight is? Is there a window? Why not try to break through that?
Ah never mind, it’s a box to him. Still very weird that he wouldn’t try this first.
In general it’s hard to track how much time has passed already and why he waited until now to do all this.
In general… your monster character feels very knowledgeable (knowing what talking is, what to call sunlight, what to expect from the outside etc) in some weird areas but very child-like in others (Not knowing what a window is, not knowing how to open a DOOR, not knowing when to do either)… so I’m getting mixed signals, kinda ruining the immersion ☹
Also you kinda gloss over him finding Edward’s window easily—but how would he be able to tell?
Okay, your losing me a bit with Davon’s extremely strange behaviour that even the narration can’t fully justify. I don’t understand his obsession with Edward and I don’t understand why he isn’t trying out other things. He barely comments on the sunshine he was so concerned with before. I mean I get that he cant understand that relentlessly chasing Edward is scary, how could he, but… everything else stretches my suspension of disbelief too much.
Hmm it would have been nice to see Davon experiment with his magic in the basement, so that the casual reveal here is less out of nowhere?
I like that Davon starts with his name. Humans are always calmer when they realise that the scary thing they are conversing with has a name—it implies reason :3
Awww Edward is being so reasonable and adorable through that =D
Hmm so Davon knows what he looks like. (worrying that his teeth are scaring Edward) it would have been nice to get a clear description of him at some point, earlier rather than later.
That is an excellent way to convey a sort of dread! Well done!
Uhm I was briefly lost here: I think this comes very abruptly and you could have shown the presence of another creature better, rather than just have Davon be grabbed and Edward coming in with this sentence. Some more descriptions in ch14 would have worked wonders here ☹
Tho I do find this description of “it” extremely creepy! O_O
Ohhh the reveal that Davon had NOT been a good person before is very well done!
Even his change of heart (Which I assume took him quite a while) comes across as believable, given how terrible Morzina became. Guess that put all the things they did together into perspective, huh?
Wait---so… Davon is invisible… to most ppl? Why does this info come so late? O_O I feel like Davon is kinda an antagonistic narrator (toward the reader) now because he never explains anything qq
Hmm I think the description of the fight was a bit too lackluster and I don’t think the damage that Davon did to her was described adequately. That he somehow defeated her comes a bit too out of left field for me 😊
But I do like that he made a real friend in Edward (I wish you would have described a bit more where Edward was during the scuffle with Morzina tho! XD)
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
I’m glad you enjoyed and thx for reading/advice!
Hello hello! mint here, celebrating my re-greening with a review :>
First off, I really appreciate you posting the whole story in one work! Makes it easier to review to see the whole thing at once, and it was satisfying to read the whole thing to its conclusion. As always, I love how the "spooky" character is good at heart, flipping the trope of monsters in the basement.
Poetry right there. "promise to take out, promise to fix" especially resonated with me. It's all too relatable to believe that you will fix something, only to eventually forget about it.
This is excellent writing. The repetition in the previous paragraph that also weaves in description with phrases like "fading Christmas decorations", and then this punchy line... So good. :3
Hmm this feels a little hand-wavy to me... I feel like humans don't really refer to ourselves as humans, so it doesn't feel super realistic to me that Davon could learn all that just from hearing the occasional conversation.
This is such a great way to show Davon's innocence! He has no clue that Edward wants to keep the scary thing trapped, and instead interprets it as a kind of worry for Davon. :')
Hm he knows what a basement and humans are, but not what a window is?? What he knows and doesn't know feels kind of arbitary to me. >.> And the word "window" is used shortly after, with no indication of Davon having learned the word in the meantime.
Ooooh foreshadowing~
Woah woah woah, since when did Davon have telekinesis?? o.O I guess it's not unreasonable for a being that is clearly non-human, but I was kinda caught off-guard because I didn't remember hearing any mention of this ability before. A previous mention or a brief explanation would be helpful, in my opinion!
Aww, what a kind, open-minded child! ^-^
Another great bit of characterization of Davon.
This is a nitpick, but I think rephrasing this to "Morzina sprinted towards them" would sound more urgent/faster! I personally feel like actions that indicate speed are best described by short sentences.
Hmm, perhaps instead of implying that Davon learned what humans were over time, he could start by knowing it? Maybe he doesn't know how he knows it, but some of his previous knowledge has stayed with him.
Ooh, glad we get an explanation for why only Edward can see them!
<333
Overall, I think this was a very well-constructed story! It started with a good hook, and then the reader began to empathize with Davon. The reveal and climax were paced wonderfully and the ending was satisfying. Thanks for sharing, and have a wonderful day/night! =D
Thank you for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed this!