Heaven and Hell is pretty cringe, actually: Part Six

by creeperfeverdreams

Published April 12, 2026

12+ Violence

In Heaven and Hell is pretty cringe, actually

*This story is underneath my folder titled “Heaven and Hell is pretty cringe, actually”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1335. Enjoy!*

I’m heading towards the second Great Horror, but this time, I don’t just have Adele and Lauren with me. Dane and Lisa are here too. We’re heading towards the second Great Horror. The yellow paint on the walls look like they’re peeling off and when I look at the ceiling above me, I see a window with a dark, navy blue sky, something pulsing in it like water, like an ocean ready to crash.

It’s odd that Carrie didn’t find us yet. I’d almost say we are lucky, but I’m not going to be too happy yet. We still have a long way to go.

Everything that has just happened is still burning fresh in my mind. My wings twitch as though they want to fly away. I want to fly away. But nobody just flies from Hell.

Lisa said that this was the direction of the second Great Horror. It’s not like we have much of a choice to go anywhere else, except backwards.

I glance behind me. It’s a dark void. It’s probably just the back but it looks so dismal that I can’t help but shudder. I hope that we can get out of here, even if it’s not for long. I don’t want to be in a pure nothingness.

I smell something in the air. Something salty, with a hint of water. It’s strong. It stings. It makes my eyes tear up a bit. It feels like hot summer days, ice cream, and Adele almost drowning because she can’t swim. It’s…the beach? But that can’t be right. There’s no way we’re going to the beach now.

“Alright, we’re almost there, so nobody talk. I’ll do the talking. And no matter how frightened you feel, don’t say anything! It’s not your job!” Lisa suddenly cries out.

Uh…okay? Does she really think we’re all going to be easily scared by whatever is out there? I feel like there are scarier things than the second Great Horror-

But it is a Great Horror, so perhaps we all should be a little nervous. Just the thought of the Cannibal Circus is enough to make me feel like I’m being torn all over again. Those claws…those teeth…leaping at me all at once…

No. This is going to be fine. I got through the first Great Horror. I’ll be able to do the second one. I’m already dead.

There’s nothing else to be afraid of.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I was right. We are in a beach. The grainy sand under my boots has pearl white, pale pink, and pastel blue sea shells buried beneath it. Lauren is bleeding a trail of blood as she walks, but her twisted fingers are interlocked with Adele’s. I don’t buy it that Lauren has shreds of humanity in her, but maybe, sometimes, there is a glimmer of mortality she has.

Dane, of course, marches on without any terror. Lisa walks with a hurried purpose as well, but less in a way that she wants to rush and more in a way that says she wants to lead.

There’s a wooden sign in the sand, next to a large wooden pirate ship with three big white sails, like something straight out of a movie. Straight out of a movie, completely fictional…

The sky doesn’t even look real. It looks like a scene of a sky with alternating blue and white shades, the bone-white moon shining in the center, painted on tarp that hovers above us and loops around us. I can see ripples where it wasn’t smoothed over.

That might be how this Great Horror is designed, but seeing how much it looks like a theme park…it doesn’t look right. It doesn’t look like it belongs. I feel like I’m going to get suffocated by the walls around me, like it’s a place where bad things happen but are covered up by quick paint strokes. It’s-

Stella, what are you doing?! It’s not even that creepy. You watched horror movies about demons in dark corners and maniacs pulling teeth out and you were completely fine. Calm down. Go and read the sign. You have to get out of here, remember?

Right. Yes. The sign. I have to read it. There’s literally no reason to start panicking now. Nothing even happened yet.

I make my way over to the wooden sign. Once I’m in front of it, I read it in my mind:

“Wow! You made it to the second Great Horror! That’s impressive! Most demons don’t even get through the first one!

Well, you don’t have a wait time. Or cannibals to fight. You just have to get on the ship and get to the other side! It’s tragically easy. Just hold tight to the ship! You don’t want the sea monster to grab you!

If you can’t even hold on, then…I don’t know what to tell you. That you’re a failure? But you already know that!

Make haste, demons! The other side awaits you!”

“We have to-

“We know. We’re already on the ship.”

I look up at the sound of Adele’s voice. Yes, they’re all on the ship. They must have read the sign already. Can’t they-no, Adele-wait one second for me? We can’t just jump headfirst into things like this.

I walk up to the ship and climb the ladder that’s there, joining the others when I get to the top. The ladder slides into a compartment on the ship. We’re only standing there for a moment, but then, the ship sails off.

We’re on our way.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I wonder if anybody else is on alert. I know that I am. So far, nothing has happened. But that doesn’t mean something won’t happen, because-

If I still had a heart, it would dropped to my stomach, because thick, long, black tentacles just reached out of the water and now they’re tangling all around the ship. Lauren is jumping up and trying to slash it with her absurdly long fingernails, but she keeps missing it. Adele is attempting to murder it as she flys and slashes at it with her claws.

Me? I’m doing the same thing. I almost got hit by that tentacle, I’m not just going to stand around and do nothing!

Which is exactly what Dane and Lisa are doing. Except I can hear Dane shouting about how this looks like something he’d see in a movie, which is a little annoying, but I’m not going to say anything about it. Lisa is yelling too, she wants us to stop…stop why? There are tentacles coming at every direction, splashing us in the face, some of them even trying to sink the ship that Lisa, Dane, and Lauren are in, so we have to keep hitting it before it does, before it takes them, before it takes Dane, before-

“Dad, stop! Please, just let us pass!”

Dad? What? Who is Lisa talking about?

I look at Lisa, tears in her red eyes. She’s looking at the tentacle creature…oh. Oh.

The tentacles pause midair, as if waiting for something. Lisa swallows down her tears and says:

“I got out. A demon named Stella got me out. She and her friends are with me right now. If you’d just…just stop, then we could…we go.”

She wipes her eyes and breathes deeply, quickly stopping her own sobs. The tentacles seem to fade, in and out, in and out, in and out, until there are no tentacles at all.

Instead, there’s a man with no eyes hovering above the water, dressed like a sailor, his nails long and his facial features hard to make out. I see dark circles where there are supposed to be eyes. Maybe they’re ghost eyes. Maybe he doesn’t have eyes. But it’s clear that he’s crying from the black tears that drip down his face, except it doesn’t seem like he can wipe them off.

“Lisa? I’d thought I’d never see you again…”

“Me too. You have no idea how happy I am to see you right now! But don’t stay here. Come with us. Join us.”

The ghostly man sighs, saying:

“I can’t. Your Mom bound me here. My spirit will spiral into a monster soon enough. There is nothing I can do about it except let you all go before I pull you to the depths below.”

A rush of air suddenly is propelling me far from the ship, like an invisible wave crashing over me. The others are flying too, screaming as it happens. My scream doesn’t sound like it’s coming from me, it sounds like an echo that is from within the walls, completely disconnected.

Lisa is calling out for her Dad, begging him to come with us, but he stays where he is, watching with his socket eyes.

And we’re out of the artificial beach.

Comments & reviews · 4
Stickied · creeperfeverdreams commented Comment · Apr 12

@thetaostedwriter @thehoplessromantic @emilyrebecca I made this!!!

Ahhhh omg yayyy!!

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alliyah
Review
alliyah wrote a review Review · Aug 1

Hey creeper! Here with another review of your next chapter in this series...

Going to add some reactions as I read and then some overall thoughts!

Something salty, with a hint of water. It’s strong. It stings. It makes my eyes tear up a bit. It feels like hot summer days, ice cream, and Adele almost drowning because she can’t swim.


The progression of this sniff didn't really make sense to me - how can something smell like sand, salt, and ice-cream? Does ice-cream have a scent? And typically those smells wouldn't be stinging (outside of like a fishy / salt smell?) to me this scent didn't seem very rooted in reality.

There’s a wooden sign in the sand, next to a large wooden pirate ship with three big white sails, like something straight out of a movie. Straight out of a movie, completely fictional…


"straight out of a movie. straight out of a movie" - not sure if that repetition is purposeful, maybe take a second look at it.

I make my way over to the wooden sign. Once I’m in front of it, I read it in my mind:

“Wow! You made it to the second Great Horror! That’s impressive! Most demons don’t even get through the first one!


When thoughts are internal, no need to sign-post that, readers will assume that unless they are already speaking.

If I still had a heart, it would dropped to my stomach, because thick, long, black tentacles just reached out of the water and now they’re tangling all around the ship. Lauren is jumping up and trying to slash it with her absurdly long fingernails, but she keeps missing it. Adele is attempting to murder it as she flys and slashes at it with her claws.


Watch out for little details that are irrelevant in moments of danger. For instance if someone breaks into my home and points at me with a weapon, I'm not likely to think, "I wonder if I tipped the pizza man enough last week, what's the weather going to be like on Thursday, oh! the wall color looks really pretty in this room" - in intense moments, focus hones in on the source of the danger typically, and details that are off / tense, not so much those random irrelevant things. This is actually one way that the brain protects itself, by being able to kind of push away details that it doesn't need when there is danger, to put all its focus on surviving. I see this occasionally in your work, so I think its important to point out. In this section, the note that the finger nails are "absurdly long" feels like one of those irrelevant little notes.

Me? I’m doing the same thing. I almost got hit by that tentacle, I’m not just going to stand around and do nothing!


Oh! Now that's an unusual monster! I thought this aside that started with "Me?" felt a little bit like a comedy TV show though, like "Reader, you may be asking how exactly did I end up in this predicament, let me tell you!"

Lisa is calling out for her Dad, begging him to come with us, but he stays where he is, watching with his socket eyes.


"socket eyes" is a really spooky detail! Not sure if that means like he doesn't have eyes, or if they are just in deep sockets, but it's spooky for sure!

Overall this chapter had good tension - there were some areas where I felt like I kind of lost track of what all the characters were doing in the scene and I think that could be one element to expand on. Overall the scenery details were nice and helped build interest and intrigue to the plot going on.

Hope this helped! Have a great day!

~ A

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4revgreen
Review
4revgreen wrote a review Review · Aug 1

hellllooo creeper!! me again <3

I’m heading towards the second Great Horror, but this time, I don’t just have Adele and Lauren with me. Dane and Lisa are here too. We’re heading towards the second Great Horror.


I don't think you need to repeat the bit about heading to the second great horror! it works fine just with the first one.

The yellow paint on the walls look like they’re peeling off and when I look at the ceiling above me


I think it should be 'looks like its peeling off' instead <3

I smell something in the air. Something salty, with a hint of water. It’s strong. It stings. It makes my eyes tear up a bit. It feels like hot summer days, ice cream, and Adele almost drowning because she can’t swim. It’s…the beach? But that can’t be right. There’s no way we’re going to the beach now.


I love this bit of description here with the sensory details!

But it is a Great Horror, so perhaps we all should be a little nervous. Just the thought of the Cannibal Circus is enough to make me feel like I’m being torn all over again. Those claws…those teeth…leaping at me all at once…


oo i like this bit too; it really hooked me in. The way you used the ellipsis (...) worked well. It is a great device and shows the dread in the narrator's voice.

If I still had a heart, it would dropped to my stomach, because thick, long, black tentacles just reached out of the water and now they’re tangling all around the ship. Lauren is jumping up and trying to slash it with her absurdly long fingernails, but she keeps missing it. Adele is attempting to murder it as she flys and slashes at it with her claws.


This bit came about a bit suddenly! Shouldn't there be a bit more time in between the last bit and this happening, build up a little tension and then have the tentacles shoot out of the water!

A rush of air suddenly is propelling me far from the ship, like an invisible wave crashing over me. The others are flying too, screaming as it happens. My scream doesn’t sound like it’s coming from me, it sounds like an echo that is from within the walls, completely disconnected.


This is a really lovely part too; I love the simile you used, and the sensory details about the scream bring the scene alive.

I'd love to see even more sensory details in this sort of piece, which is very action-heavy! It's fast-paced, and sometimes I have trouble remembering all the details and what everything looks like in my head, so a little slower would make it all clearer!

Great as always :)

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Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review Review · May 30

Next part! Maybe we’re already going to find out some more things about Dane!

I feel like this might have been meant as an emphasis on “we, the team” but it still feels like an odd repetition of the very first sentence here: “We’re heading towards the second Great Horror.”

I really like this sequence: “My wings twitch as though they want to fly away. I want to fly away.“

Now I rather wonder if recruiting Lisa for the task was all part of this devious redemption scheme… She seems like she slots right into the dynamic… almost too well!

I find Adele and Lauren an oddly sweet pairing :3 also this “ I don’t buy it that Lauren has shreds of humanity in her, but maybe, sometimes, there is a glimmer of mortality she has.“ could easily work for Adele huh, but Stella is not yet ready to see that?

I also like the uncanny valley feeling the not-quite right scenery at the Great Horror (second edition) invokes!

What do you mean by “flys” here? “as she flys and slashes”
I do love how I can basically here the exasperated “of course” in Stella’s narration when she goes: “Adele is attempting to murder it” XD
that said, Stella’s also getting in on the action and rather readily!

Oh I wonder if the tentacles are not real and true demons would never give up the fight. Kinda how in Dante’s inferno, it’s Lucifer’s Pride that keeps him trapped and if he just were to stop fighting, he could get free. So in this case, fighting the tentacles might actually be detrimental and being calm and peaceful might be the way to go? Because we are trying to escape hell, and what better way to achieve that than to be peaceful?
(I might be onto something, the Great Horror (first edition) also got passed via the non-threatening act of poetry)

*reads on* Oh… or it could be Lisa’s Dad. And well, I do wonder if they really would have passed here without recruiting her?

Good description: “My scream doesn’t sound like it’s coming from me, it sounds like an echo that is from within the walls, completely disconnected.” <3

Poor Lisa…. If they weren’t on a quest already, I wonder if there’d be a way to help her dad.

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I mean that they are flying.

Thx for reading and the advice!



I am big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself.
— Leslie Knope