Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
*This story is underneath my folder titled “Heaven and Hell is pretty cringe, actually”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
After much running, I make it to where Adele and Lauren are. They’re in a far off corner of the Cannibal Circus, a slightly more quiet area than the rest of the place. I say slightly because I can still hear the chaotic electric spooky dance music and the groans of agony from the cannibals, but it’s not so loud.
Adele and Lauren are both glaring at me as if I’m the problem, Lauren baring her toothless, bloody mouth at me. If she was trying to frighten me, it didn’t work. It’s just gross.
“Look, Adele. I’m not leaving you here with a cannibal, much less with several cannibals. I don’t even want Lauren to come with us, she-“
“Stella, I love her. I-“
“Let me finish. I don’t want Lauren to come with us, but I will let her come if that’s what it takes to get you to stop being here. The second she starts acting all murdery, I’m fighting her. I’m not going to deal with any of that right now.” I say, hoping that Adele won’t talk about it anymore.
Adele opens her mouth like she wants to argue, then she stops. She’s opening her mouth again and-
“She’s not a wild animal. Don’t talk about her like that.” Adele says pointedly before joining my side.
Lauren is flashing me her toothless, bug and blood grin before following after Adele.
Well, at least Adele is with me, but Lauren stinks. She smells like spoiled meat and I don’t know what, but I’m not saying anything. I don’t want to talk to either of them at the moment.
I got through the first Great Horror. There’s two more to go.
………………………………………………………………….
The three of us have been walking in complete silence. It’s not like Lauren can talk because she has no teeth, but I’m not complaining. It’s nice and peaceful. I can focus on walking. The floor is purple velvet and the walls are made out of dark wood that looks black. I look up at the ceiling and see that it looks like a deep blue sky, white crackles of thunder striking every now and then. Is it a ceiling or a sky? I’m not sure.
Yes, no insanity. Maybe it can stay that way. Maybe-
“Lauren wrote a poem for me while you were fighting off the cannibals. Do you want to hear it? It’s beautiful.”
“Not particularly.”
“Okay, so you want to hear it! I’ll get it right now!” Adele beams, turning towards Lauren.
Lauren reaches into her dress-oh she’s got a pocket. I wish my dress had pockets-and takes out what looks like a piece of skin with words carved on it. Lovely.
She hands the piece of skin to Adele, who reads:
“Eyes as brown as chocolate
A drive unlike any other
Evil with a sweetness
You brought my afterlife color
I’d kill anyone who stands in our way
I won’t keep you away
If my heart weren’t dried it’d bleed for you
All of this is the unholy truth”
“Isn’t it romantic? I’ve been dreaming about getting a poem like this my whole life! How fitting that I get it in death!” Adele gushes, holding the piece of skin close to her like it’s one of her childhood stuffed animals.
I’m trying my best to stay calm and not yell at Adele, but why should she be happy with someone when she’s the one who killed Amanda? I don’t understand why Carrie punished us both. I don’t deserve to be trapped here.
I wish I was back at the purple house with Amanda.
“Maybe you do deserve her. You’re both twisted freaks.” I snap. It’s not a lie, is it?
Adele stops and stares at me like I’ve hit her with a world of hurt. Perhaps I have. I’m surprised I haven’t cried yet, since she’s hurt me my whole life. Tears sting at my eyes, but they don’t come out. I feel like I’m done with crying, but I don’t want to be. I’m not an angry person. I’m not. Being around Adele just makes me like that.
Adele doesn’t do anything, but Lauren jumps at me as if she’s ready to fight. That’s cool. I’m gonna fight her too. She’s jumping on me, clawing at me with her fingers, but I’m doing the same thing. I wish that I had sharper claws so that I could slice her face deeper. I’ll put her in more pain than she’s already in.
We’re on the floor now, just like when me and Adele were fighting back at the purple house. Except this time, I won’t lose. Why did she try to fight me at all? Why does she care? She shouldn’t even be here, I just let her come to be nice. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I shouldn’t be nice. Being nice didn’t keep me from Hell. Being nice didn’t keep me from Adele.
Speaking of which, Adele is trying to break us up! Wow, she cares about making sure Lauren doesn’t get hurt but not about Amanda? I might be wrong about Adele not loving Lauren, because only love would keep somebody from hurting someone else. When is she going to realize this? That she never loved Amanda? How come I’m the only one with sense around here? How…how…
What’s happening?! Why is Lauren getting farther away from me? Where am I going?! Why am I floating?
I try to fly away, but my wings don’t help. They’re useless against this powerful…whatever it is. Why can’t I just fly away? That’d be easier than being pulled like this.
What’s going on?
………………………………………………………………….
Huh. It doesn’t look like I’m in Hell anymore. That white popcorn ceiling looks oddly familiar. The wooden floor that I’m sitting on does too. It looks like night from how the moonlight glows from the windows. The windows have yellowing lace curtains, just like…
“Stella?! Is it you?”
I turn towards the voice behind me, a voice that doesn’t sound familiar at all and see that it’s a boy who I think is twelve years old, from how young he looks and from the fact that he doesn’t look like a little kid. His short black hair is a little messy, like he didn’t care to brush it. His green eyes are staring at me, unblinkingly and his pale face and arms are dotted with freckles. There are blotches of red on his skin which is either eczema or a sunburn. I think it’s a sunburn because it doesn’t look crusty. He’s wearing a tank top and shorts, which means that it’s summer.
How does this kid know my name?
“Yes, that’s my name. Who are you?” I ask, standing up from the ground. Now I see that there’s a salt circle around the boy where he’s sitting. Hm. He knows I’m a demon, yet he looks like he wants me here. That’s weird.
“I’m Dane. I saw pictures of you on the news two years ago. Why’d you kill your sister? Did an evil force in this house tell you to? That’s what everybody thinks.” Dane says, not a hint of fear in his voice.
I don’t understand. Why does he have a salt circle around him if he’s not scared of me? And what does he mean, two years ago? It’s been two years since my death? What?
“No, an evil force didn’t make me kill my sister. She was the evil one. She killed my girlfriend, so I killed her, then she killed me. Why would an evil force make me?” I ask, because an evil force? Really? Does he realize how absurd that sounds?
For a brief moment, surprise flashes in Dane’s eyes, but then, they go back to being curious and he says:
“There’s an evil force in this house. Everybody who goes here knows it. It’s coming from the upstairs closet, but nobody can open it. That’s because there’s a demon in there and you’re going to help me get the demon out.”
Oh so now everybody is saying that there’s a demon in this house? I know that this old house creeps people out, but that doesn’t mean that a demon is-on second thought, maybe there is. Me and Amanda would hear strange scratching noises in the upstairs closet but were too scared to open the door. It’d make sense that a demon would be in there.
But that doesn’t mean I want to help this boy out.
“Why would I do that?” I ask, crossing my arms. I want to escape Hell, but not like this. Not because some strange kid summoned me. Nope.
Dane’s eyes go wide again. What, did he expect me to just say yes? I don’t even know him.
“Because you’re from the other side and nobody living can open it. You’re a demon too so it should be easier for you. Can’t you open it? I want to see what’s inside!”
He sounds so desperate that I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. He dragged me out of Hell for this. He wants me to let a demon out. I’m more irritated than anything else.
“If there really is an evil demon in this house, why would you want me to let out? Won’t it like, attack people or something? I don’t want to be responsible for The Armageddon.”
“It’d be cool.” Dane says with a shrug.
Cool? Yeah, right. If the end of the world were happening right now he’d be traumatized. He’s just saying that because he never experienced anything frightening in his life. I mean, he’s still got the salt circle like a scaredy-cat.
“You wouldn’t be saying that if it were happening at this moment. And why do you have a salt circle? That’s pretty wimpy, if you ask me.”
“I’m not wimpy! I’m just doing this to protect myself! You’re wimpy for not opening the door! Aren’t you supposed to be a tough and scary demon?!”
Okay, I’ve had it up to here with Dane. I could break his spine if he didn’t have the salt circle and if I was a cruel person. How can he have the audacity to tell me what I’m supposed to do?
But I do want to know what’s in the closet. The question of what was hiding in there has haunted me for a long time and I’d feel a little bit more accomplished. If there is a demon in there, I’ll do my best to fight it off. I’ll tell Dane to send us both to Hell and I’ll deal with it there. It’s not like my afterlife can get any worse, after all.
“Alright, I’ll open the door. But if the demon starts fighting then you’re going to send both of us to Hell. You summoned me here, so it should be easy for you to send me back. Also, you’re getting out of that salt circle and watching me. I’m not opening the door while you sit back and wait. You’re never summoning me again after this, do you understand?”
“I was going to get out of this circle anyway! I want to see the demon.” Dane grins, getting up from the ground and stepping out of the circle.
If this were a horror movie, he’d die instantly. He has zero survival skills. He’s lucky I don’t want to hurt him because the choices he’s making aren’t very smart.
Dane turns around, then runs up the stairs. I walk after him. As I’m walking up the stairs, I hear him slam the door. Why’d he do that? How am I supposed to get in?
Never mind, I just stuck my hand out in front of the door and it went right through. I can just walk through because I’m dead.
That’s one good thing about being dead, I guess.
………………………………………………………………….
Standing back in the room me and Amanda were supposed to have a date in is…it’s a lot. For some reason, nobody bothered to get ready of the speaker and its portable charger. I brought it so we could have music. The food we were going to eat is still in plastic boxes, spoiled and stinking up the whole house. The bottled water and soda is still here. So are the beach towels we were going to sit on. The stars are brighter than ever outside. We were going to look at them together.
They removed Amanda’s dead body, though. Adele killed her in this very room.
Dane stares at me, a crooked teeth smile on his face. He’s standing perfectly still as though he’s trying to contain himself from jumping out and down. He kind of looks like Adele when she’d get excited about things, like he’s eagerly waiting for chaos to ensue.
I want to punch him in the face for it, because there is no reason to be excited, but…ah…I hate to say it…he kind of looks adorable. I’ve been in Hell too long, so I’m losing my mind. That’s what this is. I’m still mad at him for summoning me.
I hear violently loud scratching from the closet door, just like the scratching me and Amanda tried our best to ignore, the scratching that I would think about long after our time in this house, the scratching-
No. I’m dead now. There’s nothing else to worry about. I’m going to walk up to that door right now and turn the knob. I have to face what’s in it.
True to my word, I go up to the door and turn the knob. Nothing. I try again. It doesn’t move.
“Try another way! You’re a demon, you can do more stuff than a human!” Dane calls out.
Well, I don’t have any claws, so it’s not like I can slash the door open. Maybe my horns can help because they’re kind of pointy-no. That’s embarrassing and complicated. I’m not using my horns to open this door.
Wait, I can just go through it! Why didn’t I think of that before? I went through the door to get into this room, so I’ll just go through this closet door. Maybe I can turn the knob from the inside. It’s worth a try.
I walk through the closet door and turn the knob. It works! The door is open! Now I can turn around and see who is inside and-
And it’s just a girl?! What?
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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I think this is my least favourite story of yours out there. I just don’t really like this whole concept of hell being… ruled by this person. I can’t rly relate to that. But this isn’t rly what this part of the story is about so let’s see.

And I remember even more now. The horror clowns… yes. It’s all coming back to me… Something with zombies too.
I cant get over the fact that while our MC was fighting the others had time to write poems lol
I feel like once again this is indicative of why I sometimes feel like your writing is very detached: “Why is Lauren getting farther away from me?“ like… I wish you would describe what is actually happening, with actions, rather than that the characters mention it in their thoughts as questions. Written like this, I don’t particularly care why Lauren is getting further away since I have no idea what is rly happening.
Oh it’s been 2 yrs now?
I do like Dane’s reasoning: Well she once fought off an evil force, guess she can help me with my evil force problem now.
I do wonder why he knows a demon can open the door.
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
He likes studying the supernatural.
Thx for reading!
Alrighty, let's do this.
For starters, this is the length I was talking about for a short story. You could get away with going a little shorter, but this would work fine.
Following that, this feels a lot like a chapter to an unfinished novel, so I will treat it as such.
The story progression here is good, I could follow it easily, and I actually was interested in it. It was a fun read, and easy to get into with little knowledge on the story, which is nice.
I wish you would've cut off the story less and used more scenes. While she's walking, what is she seeing? What are her surroundings like? Tikaya told me about this when I was drafting my own novel, and I found it helpful.
Following that, I noticed three things. Here's one of them.
In this paragraph, you wrote; "I say slightly because. . ." In the previous sentence, since you said the word and now are referring to it, I would suggest putting a form of quotes around it. Like such; "I say "slightly" because. . ." or, "I say 'slightly' because. . ." and so on.
Second, here you said, "Wow, she cares about not getting Lauren hurt but not Amanda," which grammatically didn't make sense to me. The wording is what got me. It just sits awkwardly in the mind. I suggest writing it like this or some other way;
"Wow, she cares about protecting Lauren, but not about Amanda?"
Or,
"Wow, she cares about making sure Lauren doesn't get hurt, but not about Amanda?"
This rephrasing sits better, and is more grammatically correct.
Third, your ending was cut off in a weird position. You built up a lot of suspense and then just. . . end it like that? It was kind of a bummer, and a little disappointing. There was some humor in it, but it honestly left me a little confused.
I don't have any suggestions for this, but I would hope you continue the story.
To follow that, I loved some of the humor in the story. The boy closing the door in her face made me laugh.
All in all, this was enjoyable and I hope you write more of it in the future.
~Taost
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed it and yes, I will write more.
I'ma be back to review this, but THIS is the length I'm talking about, IF NOT longer.
Gritty, immediate POV that sells Stella's fractured psyche and raw survival instincts. Adele and Lauren's twisted dynamic hits hard, making every emotional beat dangerous. The Cannibal Circus setting is vivid and unsettling, a perfect stage for personal horror. Moments of dark humor and shock balance the dread without undercutting the stakes.
The salt circle scene sharpens the rules and raises the stakes of the supernatural. Dane's naive curiosity contrasts with Stella's cynicism, adding unexpected emotional texture. Pacing keeps tension taut while leaving room for character revelations and scares. Strong hook throughout, lean into the house's secrets for the next act.
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this!