*This song/poem is under my folder titled “Puerto Rican Day thrills and chills”. It’s the story of “Jacinto’s well”, a Puerto Rican urban legend, in song/poem form. I wrote some words in Spanish using Google translate because I sadly cannot speak Spanish fluently. :< The title of this song/poem translates to “Deep in the well”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy and Happy Puerto Rican Day! 🇵🇷🖤🕸️*
Long ago, in Playa Jobos
There was a pit of fresh, clear water
And an abundance of green grass
A farmer called Jacinto took his cows out to eat
The rain pattered down
The grass seemed to grow higher
The arm smelled new
Life’s worries seemed to slip away
Thunder crackled up high, a resounding boom!
“No tengas miedo, es solo un pequeño trueno” Jacinto said in a soothing voice to the cows
But one cow was just too choked with fear to listen
So it ran, ran as fast as it could
A rope was tied around Jacinto’s waist, keeping him connected to that one cow, his favorite cow
Good to keep it close
But he could not run without taking that cow with him
And so, when the cow plunged deep into the pit, so did Jacinto
It’s Jacinto’s well now
If you call out
“Jacinto dame la vaca!”
You can see the waves crash harder against the rocks
As if in opposition, as if to shout:
“¡No! ¡No conseguirás mi vaca!”
For even in death, Jacinto watches over his one cow
Deep in that pit of water, Jacinto has made it his own
He’s made it home
From now to forever, it will be Jacinto’s well
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Alright, the first thing I was wondering is abt this line here: “The arm smelled new”, I did not expect this. Maybe bc I don’t know the fandom and this is a completely understandable thing in context?
I like that the guy talks to his cows (in Spanish!) and that that usually calms them… And there’s something sad abt reading abt a cow choked with fear ☹
Also that it is his favourite cow, out of all the cows.—and that he’s tied himself to it @.@
Oh what an interesting poem here. I didn’t expect where this was going and I also don’t know much Spanish but I really like that you made it multi-lingual :3
It%u2019s not a fandom, it%u2019s a Spanish urban legend.
Thx for reading!
Heyya again!
I love the idea and the motive you had for this poem, and the story it tells is chilling, but I stumbled a bit while reading it.
As a musician, it's usually easy for me to read lyrics and then hear these instruments in my mind. I started to hear an intro of an acoustic guitar, some drums, and then I started reading, and then it sounded like a guitar string snapped. Why?
While most songs don't need to rhyme, your's also works as a poem, and most poems have a rhythm. In the 4th line, you lost it. Your rhythm fell and there was no rhyme. While that isn't an issue, it became consistent.
I understand, as a poet as well, that finding a way to tell your story is hard to do in a poem form. You can trip in your beat, stumble over your tongue. But that's okay! I have some tips!
You don't have to take them if you don't want to. You're poem/song is still beautiful as it is!
As a fellow lyricist, there are some things I would suggest, and feel free to PM me if you have more questions.
Try to keep your lines straight to the point. Like a poem, you need a flow, and a trip in words can make you stumble, so getting to the point helps. In a song, your notes are fillers!
Another tip, try forming a beat. Like in music, theres a tempo. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, ect.
This beat will help form a rhythm/rhyme through your song/poem.
Hope this helps as well! Good job though, it's a very chilling story!
Your's truly,
~ Taost