Dear Lord 3

Hi creativeoutlet,

This wasn't a creative outlet. It's a nice concept, of something that in the future might potentially be written, but it reads now as an idea, rather than a poem. Build on this initial thought and come up with something more substantial for us to get our teeth in. Otherwise, this is a passing thought with no way for the reader to connect to the narrator on any feasible level.

Hello Creative!

This was a very short but sweet poem and I kind of wished that you had elaborated more. The message you are conveying is very deep and there is so much to write about it. Before I discuss possible ideas you could use lets clear up a few other things.

As far as rhythm is concerned because there isn't much here there wasn't much time for a rhythm to develop. But I did think you broke the lines in the right places which is the first step to good rhythm.

This would be better if you had included some punctuation to tell the reader when to breathe, unless of course you were deliberately using enjambment Punctuation can also make lines read differently and give them a different meaning. With this poem because it's in the first person, punctuation will also make it sound more like someone is speaking by giving natural pauses that would occur in speech.

The only other this in that you need to remember to capitalize your I's

Now onto what you could include to expand this poem.
Why is the character saying this? Is it because he/she has already messed up someones life, or because they are worried that something in that are doing is affecting other people.
Perhaps they are a smoker and they know that this could affect other people and they are worried about it?
Or you could include how they are feeling, their thoughts and other such things.
All this would help you to expand your poem and will help us to understand a little more why the character is saying these things to God.

I hope I helped!
Keep Writing
~Lydia