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lockdown diaries- A self revelation

by crazystar


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

See if anyone hopes to find something really interesting or to get a taste of superior quality of literature, believe me this work of mine is not for you. This is something I am writing for myself and   believe me I dont really give a fuck about what anyone thinks of my piece.

If anyone is considerate enough  who still desires to go any further after reading those first three lines, well, welcome to my account of experiences during lockdown .

The lockdown in this side of the world began around March and surely robbed me of all those hopes and ambitions I had about the last year of my school life.The first few days began with a hope that the lockdown would soon be over, the next few days were spent hoping that I could still hold on to the previous hope which now seemed to be drifting and constantly drowning in the sea of doubts and despairs. Well after that, I actually went over a pretty exciting period in my life, which include speaking to trees and walls of my house hoping to get an answer, mugging up all Lewis Capaldi songs and trying to sing them in a seemingly fake Scottish accent, learning Spanish (although my knowledge in the language is limited to 'Gracias' and 'lo siento') and playing at a guitar concert after which my crush had complimented by saying that my singing was bad but my guitar playing skills were worse.#sadLife.

Well about my love life, the only girl I had loved with all my life moved out of state for higher studies. She is actually the elder sister of one of my friends and has always treated me like her little brother although she is just a couple of years older to me., but guess what I have always loved her although have been afraid to confess  it to her in case I might embarrass her (actually I kind of now feel that it was my fear of rejection that kept me from confessing). Well hailing from an all-boy's school, the gates of brotherhood and comradeship are all that we have ventured and she seemed to be like something of which I had never known of (a love at first sight), a breath of fresh air, an angel from the sky, but never mind good things rarely last for long.It wont be a lie if I admit that I have actually flirted with my pillow for long nights hoping and wishing it was her and have actually kissed it in all possible ways , at  possible places. I also had a crush on my physics teacher's daughter  whom i believe, actually has a crush on my best friend. So my love life is something that I surely don't love anymore.

Well the positive side of the lockdown , I have actually realised many things in a newer way and discovered a dozen of new feelings, or perhaps they were the same old felling felt in a different, and more beautiful way. I actually feel that my guitar playing skills have improved, learnt playing chess and my  self-confidence has never known higher horizons, where no matter what others say, I remain undaunted, in simpler words just being a badass.

Moreover I seemed to have grown much more creative which include discovering new ways of bunking online classes everyday. My online classes actually comprise of me listening to songs, playing games , watching all kinds of things from action movies to porn and doing everything other than studying.

Its January now, and the exams are closing by, the ones we call the engineering competitive exams( held all over the country ), and hailing from a country where just a few people actually mean a million of them, scoring a good percentile in these exams is like trying to hunt a lion with a pencil. But never mind, moving on with life irrespective of the hardships is the beauty of it and the imperfections are the ones which make it all the more graceful..

Coming to the final part, about my writing, I have logged in to the YWS for the first time since 2018 and am still writing under some stupid pen-name the immature 14 year old me had given. Well I am - a former athletic champion, the best speaker of my school , an aspiring actor, the captain of the football team,- No !  I have never been any of those , those are which I had dreamt of being but was never able to. I am just a fucking douchebag who knows that and is actually proud of that. Last time I had written here, most of the guys had pointed out that I lack the sense of paragraph making and my punctuation is horrible, guess what thats the only part of me which hasnt changed at all,  I also noticed a few spelling mistakes along the way but have been lazy enough to go back and change them, cause as I said I am just writing this for myself. On a happier note, as a relief for you, my reader( perhaps the only one patient enough to read this piece of shit), this is the last time I am writing cause I realised writing isnt my cup of tea and got to spend some more time now writing equations and theorems since I can hear the exams knock at the door and visualise them  knocking  me out at the same time.

So Adios Amigos cause as the saying goes

" If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life rewards you with a new hello".                      


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Sat Jan 23, 2021 8:52 pm
Tuckster wrote a review...



Hi there crazystar! Tuck here with a review for you today.

So I'll admit it's a bit difficult to review pieces as personal as this one, but I'm going to try my best to give you some quality feedback on your writing to hopefully be at least a little bit helpful. Let's jump right into it!

I appreciated the way you divided up this work into clearly defined sections. It made it easy to read and your train of thought easy to follow. I also enjoyed the balanced and methodical approach you took in analyzing your situation. You took time to notice the bad but also appreciate the good in a very hard situation, and that's an incredibly valuable skill to have. That in combination with your sincerity made this piece inspiring. I can tell from your skilled analysis of your situation that you'd make a great scientist if that's the career path you desire. Your analytical way of perceiving the world is perfectly suited for a career in STEM research.

One area for improvement that I see is in your sentence structure. Let's take the first paragraph for example:

The lockdown in this side of the world began around March and surely robbed me of all those hopes and ambitions I had about the last year of my school life // The first few days began with a hope that the lockdown would soon be over, the next few days were spent hoping that I could still hold on to the previous hope which now seemed to be drifting and constantly drowning in the sea of doubts and despairs // Well after that, I actually went over a pretty exciting period in my life, which include speaking to trees and walls of my house hoping to get an answer, mugging up all Lewis Capaldi songs and trying to sing them in a seemingly fake Scottish accent, learning Spanish (although my knowledge in the language is limited to 'Gracias' and 'lo siento') and playing at a guitar concert after which my crush had complimented by saying that my singing was bad but my guitar playing skills were worse.#sadLife.

I replaced all the periods with double slashes to more clearly see where sentences end and begin. This last sentence in particular is almost incoherent because it continues on for so long. The reader doesn't have a chance to breathe and recollect, which means that the reader will lose focus towards the end of the sentence. Fortunately this is super easy to fix! All you need to do is split up some of these long sentences and be aware of the effects of long and short sentences on your reader. This article gives some good information on the effects of different sentences on your writing.

And finally, as a bit of housekeeping, I wanted to let you know that I bumped the rating on this work from 16+ to 18+ because of your use of the f-word, which automatically merits an 18+ rating on YWS' system. You can read more about YWS' policies regarding content ratings here. I also removed the personal email address that you included in this work, as sharing personal information like email addresses is against YWS safety rules. Don't worry, you're not in any trouble! I just wanted to make you aware of these changes and explain the reasons for them.

If you have any questions about this review or my moderator actions please let me know and I'll be happy to clarify!

Tuck




crazystar says...


well thanks for all the advice. just a question Tuck- if the f-word is strong language then what does a moderate language mean?



Tuckster says...


moderate language would be words like s---, b----, d---, etc., other words that are considered "offensive" but are not as strong as the f-word.



crazystar says...


Alright got it, thanks!!!



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Thu Jan 21, 2021 1:00 pm
Haileyg21 wrote a review...



Hiyo! this is Haileys review for an amazing work. HI! So I 100% feel you on this. Its really well written. It flows well and People can relate. Which Might not be what you want but its true. I loved this though.
"Coming to the final part, about my writing, I have logged in to the YWS for the first time since 2018 and am still writing under some stupid pen-name the immature 14 year old me had given." I honestly feel this part was one of my favorites because I lightly laugh when you called your pen name stupid. Its so well written and i loved it. SO thank you for writing this piece and sharing it with this community!





The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson