One of my rare attempts at poetry. Please review, I would like to improve upon! =]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s odd, this feeling
of disattachment.
To know that you are supposed to care,
but you do not.
Your friends
think they know.
They think they understand,
but they do not.
You wonder
if they will ever
understand the hope,
and the pain it causes.
It’s a disjointed pain.
A pain that’s more of a sore,
more of an ache,
for something that won’t happen.
You know
that when they’ve gained
and lost love as you have
they will understand.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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The think is....it is true. It is so true. You added in the fact that no one can understand. It's true I am going through the worst tme missing my bf right now
Thank you! I was wondering, where would I post it if I wanted to post it as prose, then? That's the main reason I posted it in poems. I wasn't sure where it would fit in prose. And I will get on the grammar thing. I kind of like the disjointed grammar, but I can certainly see some places I can improve. =]
TO be honest, this seems more like prose than poetry..
I did a piece just like this earlier this week, I believe. It's great sounding; and I actually liked it content-wise.
The only thing I can mention is that you might be better off with a tad bit more of punctuation; it won't hurt the piece, and it'll make it easier for grammar-nuts to read.