Oh God, I’m down on my knees.
I’m begging please
guide my way,
let me know the words to say.
Help me see,
the person you want me to be.
Make me feel your love,
The kind that’s only from above.
I’m so weak,
you’re all that I seek.
Help me know you’re there,
make all of this easier to bear.
I’m giving you all of me,
you’re all that I see.
I’ve been dealing with strife,
all of my life,
by myself,
and with no help.
When all I had to do was listen,
you’re what I’ve been missin’.
Please forgive me,
I’m down on my knees.
I repent,
for this life- not well spent.
I just finished this today, so this is basically the rough draft.
Thanks for any critisism.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thank you.
I i have picked over a little since I put it on here.
I'll put the revised version on once I get on a computer and off my iPad.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
Hey, dogs here. And haha oh murtuza and your alliteration. But he is right, this is an excellent poem but with a little bit of work you can make it a great poem. It already flows like silk and tells a story in a short poem while at the same time getting the point across which is awsome. Real quick a tiny nit pick:
"make all of this easier to bear"
This wording here kind of throws me off the poem a little. You could maybe say make this all easier to bear, or make this easier to bear. Whatever you like, but just that one line kinds throws off the rhythm. But apart from that this poem is fantastic! Keep writing and keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
I'm sure that with a little rhythm and music, it would make a great song. Maybe even a good Gospel song too. I like this piece a lot, not only because it rhymes and has message, but because even though it talks about something of serious value, the light tone of the poem (especially due to the rhyme) makes it enjoyable to read.
I'm not one to have nit-picks but I keep saying this - Go through your poem again and again and you will automatically find places that either need improvement or alteration. Practice, practice and practice. That way, you'll know that you've truly written your best. As for me, personally, this poem is great as it is but if you can touch it up a bit, I'd be even more impressed
But once again, this is a great piece and I hope to read more from you. Keep the ink flowing!
This was so good that I actually read your comment on the bottom. Lol. I liked this because I could rely on it. I want to steal it and make it into a poster so badly. Think about it
. This poem basically shouted out all my inner feelings. So keep writing. God bless 